Marriage/life question. Sahm

I’m in between a rock and a hard place mentally. I’m a sahm with 1child and 1 toddler. I’m currently going through a lot of anxiety due to health issues and iv previously felt with this in the postpartum period. But my body is on the Frits in a way both physically and mentally. My husband has a hobby that takes him out of town maybe 2-3 times a year for about 4 days. This year he’s going on an extra one soon and my health had been fine except during the last event a couple weeks back it started acting up and since then iv been having issues. He’s aware of every thing that’s going on and is very supportive and helpful. But usually when he’s away I have a family member, like my mom, stay with me for a couple of the nights. Ik it sounds silly, feeling that I need a fellow adult around when other moms do this every day, but with all the health issues iv had after having kids it’s caused a lot of ptsd and lack of trust in my body that been working with a therapist with and it was getting better till I had this major set back. I just don’t know what to do. I’m worried I’ll have another panic attack like I did a couple weeks back. But at the same time I don’t want to ask him not to go bc then I’m the @ss hole and I don’t want there to be any resentment but at the same time if he goes it will be that way but for me. And we’ve talked about the hobby and how it’s bad timing and iv hinted at things without right out saying don’t go. And he knows I’m upset obviously. What would you all do in this situation? Any words of advice? Also it doesn’t look like I’d be able to have any one stay with us while he’s out of state. I’d love to get my own hobbies away from the house/kids but I’m trying to work on my ptsd first and sort out my health.

Show your support

I think if he views you as the asshole for needing him to stay home while you’re going thru some health problems there’s probably a bigger issue. I think just being blunt and saying you need help and it’s not a good time and see what he says. If you don’t saying anything he’s just going to say you should’ve said something. It’s hard bc you want your partner to be their own person but also they should be the person you can lean on in times that you need

In my opinion you should just be open and honest with him. Tell him that you’re worried about being home on your own with him away. If you let him go most of the time for his hobby then he should be able to cancel one time to be there to support you. I’d say that I don’t feel comfortable being there alone and that if you had family to stay with you then you’d be fine with him going but you don’t have anyone right now. Communication and honesty is the way to go. Also it’s not silly. Everyone needs help every now and then. When I gave birth I suffered with preeclampsia and needed so much help. I basically went to live with my mother and sisters for two months while my husband had to go back to work. Moms can do a lot but we’re human too. Hope this helps and I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you. We’ve talked about it a lot and iv voiced my concerns as well but I just haven’t come out and asked him not to go. We’re usually really good with communication but these past 2 years I just feel like iv been a burden almost. Since we’ve had to Cancle on things or I just wasn’t up to joining in. I don’t want there to be any resentment, and I’m not good with confrontation.

I can be my own worst enemy. I will do this to myself too and just play the what if game. He will support whatever I feel is needed.. I struggle with anxiety and immune/hormone issues since my 2nd born. Over all ups and downs in health after my last pregnancy. I know there are times where I need to be tough and that I can handle what’s needed even if it’s hard. There are other times when I can’t handle it. It’s a matter of figuring out if that’s one of these times. Pre over reacting out of fear is something I work on. Giving chance that maybe it will be okay, phrase it positively in your mind and prepare for what you feel may put you over. I don’t know what you deal with but I understand having those ages and it can be hard to focus on what you need. I have gained many hobbies over the years, I will share that cozy gaming and crochet have helped my anxiety the most! Small steps can be coloring or creating a mindful routine one step at a time. 💗

Yes, I’m in a similar situation with hormone/immune issues. Definitely had our ups and downs. I definitely try to tough it out more than not. Yes adding positive emotions to the positive/uplifting thoughts has been a game changer. Hahah yes I very much have the granny hobbies and loving it!

You could have a difficult time, or you could gain a lot of confidence making it through on your own. If you think it would be safe and you'd like to try to do this for your husband, maybe you could give him a list of things that would help you be successful and present it as a choice. He can stay, or he can help prepare you with these certain supports before he goes. If you started with clean laundry, a clean sink, a budget/plan for take out, and maybe a few hours with a sitter one night to guarantee you time to take a shower or just take a break, would that make you feel more confident? Could you plan to have a friend or two check in with you, and/or your mom on standby in case you really need it? Being on your own doesn't have to mean you have to be unsupported or that you can't have a backup plan for if things go sideways.

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