Terrible MIL

I’m really struggling with MIL at the moment. She’s quite a selfish person and does not really care for others or take interest but is becoming too much for me and my partner since having our little one. Long story short, to paint the picture before baby arrived.. my MIL when I was pregnant requested no photos to be posted of her at our baby shower as her work friends didn’t know she was going to be a gran.. at the time I didn’t think anything of it but looking back that was so rude and unacceptable to be honest. Baring in mind I was 36weeks at the baby shower so birth was basically right around the corner. Fast forward to the morning after delivery (we had not slept 4 days by this point) & she shows up to the hospital and stays for 8hrs (whilst all mine and babies checks are being done) until the hospital discharge us and she comes home with us in our car and takes our baby off of my OH because she felt he was too tired to carry his own baby (didn’t ask if this was ok she walked ahead of me and just took the car seat). Felt like this already put a bitter start to what was meant to be a special moment for me and my OH as new parents. She has become quite obsessive, always picking up our baby when visiting without asking, watching me change her diaper & getting annoyed if the baby is sleeping whilst she is visiting because she “came to see baby”. She stays for lengthy periods and doesn’t help around the house (I mean I’m not looking for this but offering would be lovely if you’re going to stay so long). She also often refers to our baby as “my baby” which is really starting to bug me and my OH as she never uses babies name. Now fast forward to this week, our baby is currently 7 weeks and fighting a chest infection (which MIL gave her) and she is texting to invite over her friend myself and my OH don’t know to see baby. I told her politely that baby is unwell and we are not having visitor at the moment. She proceeded to still have her friend drive to our house, park outside then text requesting I let her friend see our baby. Which I of course told her no again. I have spoken to my OH about all of these issues (plus others which I won’t get into) and he agrees that she is out of line but he doesn’t want to speak to her about it as it’s close to Christmas and he does not want to cause any issues. How do I deal with this situation to attempt to set boundaries in place with someone who’s not willing to listen to me when I say no?? I’m on the verge of snapping at this point 😅😬

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At this point I wouldn’t even be asking my other half to have the word. I’d not even politley tell her where to go!! She sounds very controlling. It’s YOUR baby not hers. I’d absolutely put her in her place yourself regardless of it being close to Christmas or she’ll end up ruining your first Christmas!!

Oh my god this is horrendous. No advice just that this woman sounds absolutely terrible

It’s honestly causing me so much anxiety. Usually I’m very much a people pleaser but when it comes to my baby I’m only going to do what’s right for them and not other people. I also do not have my own mum to lean on during this time as she passed away 13 years ago so I think MIL being like this is hitting me even harder as I hoped she would have become a more supportive figure for me as well as her son. But she doesn’t check in , she only texts when she wants to visit or needs something from us and it’s usually the day of (a few hours notice) so we have told her that she can’t expect to come visit at the drop of a hat and needs to give us notice. But like yesterday she text 1 hour before driving round so clearly is not listening to a word her son says.

God I’m so sorry… she sounds absolutely dreadful and your partner needs to be putting his foot down whether it’s close to Christmas or not. Before our boy was born me and my OH made a pact that he would always be the ‘bad guy’ ie enforce boundaries if I didn’t feel comfortable, say no to people on my behalf and be the one to have difficult convos wether it was my family or his. You need to get your partner on the same page and have him do the talking. Send a message, be firm and then seems drastic but just don’t let her in the house, don’t answer her calls or texts, and when she shows up just say no, or pretend you’re not in😂 I know it’s easier said than done, she sounds awful I’m so sorry she’s putting you through this😔

Thank you!! We definitely did have this conversation and I sent my list of wishes to my family but he didn’t make his mum aware but I think deep down the issue lays with the fact no matter what someone tells her she doesn’t listen and she will never change so I think my partner is already fed up of talking to her because it feels pointless but also at the same time she stepped over the line this week and I don’t think I can come back from it with how I’m feeling towards her now. X

It doesn't matter what time of year it is, there will always be issues. the sooner they're spoken about the better. God, what is wrong with MILs?! My husband cut his mum off a week after baby was born for many many reasons & I can honestly say neither of us have ever been happier and more relaxed!

I can’t give much advice as I’m in no contact with my narcissist MIL but there’s a good group I’m in on here that I think you’d like called “my mother in law said what?!” https://www.peanut-app.io/share/VjTyoICKSOb

Thank you!! Will definitely be joining this group 🤣🤣

I literally could have wrote this 🙄 I hope it gets better for you I’m in the same situation 😢 x

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