A less good mum than I thought I was??
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I blame the first born! 😄 haha they trick us into a false sense making us believe 'hey this is easy, I can do this again'😆😆😆 jks 😜 my second did this to me too, now I'm like 'wth was I thinking?'🤔
You are still a great mother. Just an overtired and overstimulated one. Sleep deprivation and all the hormonal changes you’re going through do not help your situation. I don’t have much advice bc my situation is a little different (my husband has taken a huge chunk of the care for our toddler) and I mostly tend to the baby so our toddler hasn’t felt the extent of a new sibling 100% I think. If I were doing it on my own I would probably be in the same position. 6 months post and dealing with anxiety, rage, short fuses, the perfectionism you described, the need to be in control of everything. then again I don’t think this is normal and waiting for a doctors appointment. 2.5 is such a challenging age. They are completely irrational. If you already aren’t, try to include her whenever possible to everything baby related. Hugs help a lot in my household during meltdowns. I’ll stop and ask “do you need a hug?/can mama give you a hug?” And squish them for a bit and more often than not…
It really helps. With breastfeeding, I began pumping to introduce a bottle here and there that my husband could feed the baby and used that time to bond with my toddler. Hang in there. The beginning is the toughest part but it’ll get better xoxo
2.5 is a challenging age regardless! Even if you hadn't had your son yet she's learning new things and pushing boundaries, and needs your attention. You're giving what you can and it is enough. Like said above, ask her to help in little ways with baby, in between her playing and activities. "Can you bring mummy the wipes so I can change (son)?" "Oh no mummy forgot a nappy, can you grab one please!" "Baby is in his moses basket, can you make funny faces at him while I go to the toilet please?" Ask her to hold him while she's sat on the sofa and you're next to her watching, teach her gentle hands, holding his hand, giving a kiss on the back of the head. Hold them both for a cuddle at the same time if you can. Try and put baby down for just little girl cuddles sometimes too. Maybe try and watch a movie with her once a week, make it mummy and [name] night, for cuddles and snacks. Great if it's also while baby is napping so she has your (mostly) undivided attention even if it's just for the length of Frozen.
Just ideas but remember you're doing amazing.
Also if you're able to, try letting her do things her way and asking her questions about her methods to understand her thought process and ask if she wants help to do it your way if her way doesn't work and wait for her to ask or agree to your help. It can be hard when you're tired and just want things done but it might help you to understand her thinking and see how her intelligence and understanding of things needs to grow and develop to be like yours.
i don’t have a second baby yet so maybe easier said than done but i agree with everything @Elizabeth said and want to add that i’ve seen ideas from parents in your situation about like treating the baby the same way you treat the toddler and showing her that. like if you tell toddler “you have to wait i’m doing _____ for the baby” you can also tell you baby is he’s crying (just for a minute) “baby you have to wait i’m helping your sister with ____” and like that with other things too. of course as long as the baby is fine and can wait a minute
You’re a wonderful mom. I have a 4 year old and 1.5 year old and I still feel guilty, but it’s REALLY hard to find the balance when they’re so young. They need a lot of attention and love at these ages and they also don’t quite understand what it is they need, what they want, and also the difference between the two. Things I’ve done to help my EXTRA CLINGY WHINY 4 year old lately (yes it took me almost 1.5 years 😂) He helps me make my coffee- he loves it, I hate it but I love that he loves it, it doesn’t hurt anything just makes me impatient. So I let him help. During nap times- CUDDLE AND CRAFTS CUDDLE AND CRAFTS! IM TELLING you they want the little things. Throughout the day- randomly say “I love you”, “you’re my favorite *insert name here*”; “You’re the best!”; “you are SO cute.” ; wink, give little forehead kisses or head pats/play with hair. Tickle their back. Bed time- baby goes down first. DESICATE BEDTIME ROUTINE EVEN IF BABY IS CRYING. 15 minutes won’t kill baby and it makes
It makes a world of difference for your toddler. We do 2 books (1 if he’s being really rough or if it’s late), push in sensory swing but you can do something else sensory, back tickles and songs, conversation if he wants, lights out.
To add: we do a mommy or daddy and big brother date as often as we can! Sometimes it’s just a morning going to get donuts, sometimes it’s just us and an indoor playground, sometimes it’s me and his dad and him going to a movie while a babysitter is at the house while baby sleeps. IT MEANS SO MUCH TO THEM. They just crave to be loved one on one like they were for so long before the baby came and they don’t understand why they feel that way. You are a wonderful mama, you’re doing great and your kids will be just fine 🥰 🤗
I have a 2.5 year old, a 10 year & a 22 year old. The mum guilt never goes away, it’s perfectly normal. In fact it shows you’re a great mum. My 2.5 year old is the biggest challenging kid ever! She’s so headstrong that I’m in awe of her, no one upon no one is messing with that girl - she’s gonna run a conglomerate and take no prisoners but my god she’s HARD WORK!
You're not ruining Christmas... you're parenting as best you can in an adjustment period and if anything your guilt says more about your good heart than saying "shush" even matters, ok. Give yourself patience and try to allow everything to slow down. Even talking more slowly to your little one and getting her used to a slower pace of home life for now will help.