in July 2024 Babies 🇺🇸

Venting

I love my MIL, I really do, but it has been so hard for me whenever she comes around. My son is 5 months old. When I was three weeks pp she was like “this time next year I’m taking him up north for my birthday.” She didn’t ask she said those are her dates and that they’re going to fly to see his cousins and that my husband and I can go do something else. My son will have just turned 1 the month before and she wants to take him on a plane miles and miles away from me and his dad. I was already going through so much and as a first time mom the last thing I wanted to think about was being separated from my baby. Especially that far and having him experience so many firsts without me. I literally went to the bathroom and cried. I feel so bad getting so irritated with her because she really is a great grandma and I know she loves us both but it makes me so hurt and angry. Every time she visits and plays with my son she’s says “I can’t wait until you start eating food!” because he’s EBF so she can’t take him since he still needs me. Now I’m dreading starting him on solids next month. Has anyone else dealt with family members like this? I know she means well but I feel like I have to hold onto my son even tighter when she’s around because all she wants to do is take him. I really think older moms forget how it was or they just never had the option so they think younger moms she be tougher and not have so many feelings about leaving their baby. I just can’t do it though. I can’t even fathom being away from my boy for a few hours. Having him go on trips without out me is not even an option right now or when he’s one. Also I love that he has grandparents who love him and want to take him places. I know that’s a privilege, I just need more time to adjust and definitely my boundaries respected. I don’t mind if she wants to take him up north, I’m just going to be right there with her. I do feel like I have some pp rage going on and anxiety so any encouragement or tips would be helpful. 🤎

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Just remember that no is a complete sentence and that her feelings are not your responsibility! You're still offering to take the trip as long as you're there too which sounds like a great compromise and if she doesn't like that then he doesn't need to go up there at all!

You're not experiencing pp rage. Your MIL had straight up audacity to make assumptions. Of course you're not ok with her taking him on trips without you. Doesnt matter how 'nice'or 'good' she is. You lack boundaries with your husband's parents and I don't doubt your husband lacks boundaries with her also. Boundaries are not walls, they tell people how to treat you and your limits when it comes to your kids. Strating to sound like she's starting to take advantage of the grandparents privileges because you've allowed it. You don't owe her time with her grandchildren let a lot an interstate trip with your infant son. That generation would pack their kids on flights to their grandparents place so they could party. That generation did not enjoy parenting as much as they could have and it's not up to the younger generations to fix thst for them. You sound like you're not willing or maybe scared to tell her no? What did your husband say about it?

She might think she's doing you a favor or that it's totally normal for a baby to be independent of his mom at that age and not understand how you feel about it. What you describe doesn't sound like pp rage at all but just a normal reaction to the thought of separation from your baby at this age. You don't mention what your husband thinks about this at all? This is his mom and he should really be the one explaining to her that you guys don't want to send your baby across the country without you!

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