I need help

Can I get a restraining order? I don’t want him around me or our child. I've always made allowances and defended him, always second-guessed myself, and put it to the side and continued, but speaking with my doctor and other professionals, they've told me I'm being gaslighted, which is emotional abuse. He’s emotionally abusive towards me. constantly gaslights me I’ve tried to end the relationship, but he always manages to manipulate me back in. I’ve also tried letting him have contact with our child, but nothing gets done right, and I feel unsafe letting my child go. Everybody thinks he's so charming, then I’m made to look like I’m being horrible and crazy keeping him away. I’m struggling with my mental health as it is, and this just makes it worse. I feel like ending my life because I can’t continue my life with him in it, and I also don’t want to have the guilt of keeping him away from our child and then our child growing up and reacting to me for that. I don’t know what to do; nobody understands my situation. I don’t know who to turn to. I feel so much better when I'm away from him and not in contact with him. I mentally can't continue anymore. How do I keep him away from us? Is that doing the right thing? I don't know what to do. I've tried being civil and letting him have contact, and then it's good for a while, and then it ends back to square one, where I feel like this It's so hard because nobody else can see it. If I had bruises to show, that would be easier, but my mind is absolutely being destroyed, and I can't show it to anybody. I feel so helpless. I feel like I'm going crazy, and I'm better off not here; then I won't get any grief for "keeping our child away from him or destroying the relationship and running away when things get hard as he says."