MIL advice…

I want to start by saying I’m a FTM so I’m new to all of this and think my hormones could be playing up… I’ve always gotten on well with my MIL and she’s been so excited about our baby - he’s 3 weeks old. She is constantly saying she will come over and saying myself and my partner are to ‘go out for lunch and she’ll watch him and give us a break’ - thankfully both of us agreed we don’t need or want a break from him but were happy for her to visit. My partner goes back to work next week and as she left today she told me I’ve to make plans with friends next week and go out and she’ll look after the baby. I don’t need a break from him, infact I need anything but… is she just trying to be helpful and my hormones are going a bit wild? Or am I reasonable in feeling uncomfortable that she keeps pushing the idea of me being away from my baby / her having alone time with him? A couple of other things happened today - he’s FF and she asked my partner if she could feed him and before I knew it it was too late (and I’m outspoken, my own fault - I should’ve told my partner beforehand I didnt feel comfortable with this). We also had another family member over to visit for the first time and when he began to cry she jumped at taking him from the other family member, rather than letting him be soothed by his mum… again I should’ve stood up for myself and my baby, but point of context that maybe these things have bothered me today and are now making the above play on my mind!! Any advice welcome, TIA x

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Definitely speak out now before something else happens. I let my MIL have her way because I stayed quiet and didn’t want to cause waves in case I was being too sensitive and now my baby is 6 months and I finally everything I’ve been holding in since she was born and my MIL literally had a tantrum and is now blocked on social media and banned from our home. It was things like not giving baby back when she cried, telling me to start weaning AT 3 MONTHS (still gob smacked), telling me I don’t need to ebf and should introduce bottles, telling us to go out so she could watch the baby, and the straw that broke the camels back was when I did eventually start weaning at 6 months, she said I need to blend all the food because finger foods will cause my baby to choke. I finally lost it. I wish I’d spoken up sooner to avoid all of this.

Sounds like she's very excited about grandbaby but just firmly lay down what your doing, maybe once have a little break when you feel more comfortable with the idea even just for 30 minutes you'll love a little you time but just tell her your not ready yet it's awful early on in time you'll be a bit more comfortable with it but right now baby needs mama 🥰xxx

We were the same being told to go out and leave baby, I straight up said no! I get lots of negative comments about breastfeeding from her too and I feel with the next comment I’ll snap 😂 so probably best to speak up now. Your feelings are valid, good luck xx

It’s definitely best to speak up before it builds up further. You absolutely know what’s best for you and your baby and everyone else needs to accept your choices. She probably thinks she’s being helpful so you could acknowledge that and then explain the things you are/aren’t comfortable with happening right now. I’ve politely, but firmly, said no to a few things and family members have accepted it. Hopefully your MIL will too.

I've had this from mums on both sides and I was struggling so much with them constantly wanting to take the baby. You're not being unreasonable. I had to repeatedly remind them I wasn't up for leaving baby and wouldn't be up for visiting their house for dinner yet. I found it helped having rules that applied to everyone, we didn't have visitors up for longer than 45 mins, no more than 2 visitors at a time (3 at a push), no more than one "thing" planned a day - so we'd either try to go out, have a visitor, bathe him 😂 or get shopping in. If we were doing one of these things, we weren't doing another. I was worried they'd fall out with me or I'd make a rod for my own back and they wouldn't want to help when he was bigger and we were ready for more "help". I asked my mum to "watch" baby more with me in the house to build my confidence in being away from him but just in the next room and knowing she was doing things our way before we left baby with her for the first time at 10 weeks.

You're still recovering, bonding with baby and getting used to this new life. It's very reasonable to want to keep things to just you and their dad for now. It's also OK for you to say she can't feed baby again after she has once, it doesn't need to be an ongoing thing. And to ask her politely to stop offering to take baby and promise you'll ask her when you're ready to x

I have been strongly embracing the idea of a fourth trimester, so everyone knows I wouldn’t be leaving my baby boy until at least 3 months old. Also explain that the Health Visitor says you need to be together to bond for the first 3/4 months and until he gets his first few rounds of immunisations 😉 We had an over-excited Granny too so I know it can be hard to handle.

I know your situation is completely different to mine and you have certain feelings about this but honestly I think her behaviour and actions are coming from a place of love towards you, your partner and your baby. I get that MILs can be annoying but you are in such a fortunate position to have someone who is so willing and able to help. You could have a conversation with her but I would keep it light so not to offend her. Before you know it her support will be so beneficial in more ways than you can imagine, especially when it’s time to go to back to work. I would give a lot to have a family member like this! Xx

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