Feeling Selfish
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I think of this often too but it is actual not as selfish as you may think. We are old and when we are gone even if sometimes you can bicker like crazy with your sibling. In general, having a sibling that you can fall back on when us parents are gone is comforting. My parents were older when they had me. Mom was 33 but dad was 44. We had our first at 41 (me) and 51, and we often feel sad that our Moms and Dads will not see my daughter ever get married. And that she wont remember them. So we take a lot of pictures. My parents are in their 70s and 80s, so I know they are on borrowed time. But its nice to know that I have my sister to be there when the time comes they go to Our Maker. Live your life with what fulfills you and dont ever feel guilty. If you end up with a second blessing, God intended it that way.
I'm a foster carer and also due my final daughter this month. I'll be 43. Whilst I do worry about not having as much time with my children (I have two other daughters who I had at 39 and 41) I can't help but feel like it's not all down to age. Me and my husband have fostered children who came from young mums and they have been neglected and abused and given the worst start in life. I may be older, but know my girls have had a good start in life, our bond is deep and they will go far.
I was a young mom, had my first at 21, and I wish I had waited until closer to now. It was hard parenting a child when I was still a bit of a child myself. I wasn't grown enough to be as good of a mom as I wanted to be. I wasn't a bad mom, but I know if I were starting now, I would have been so much better. Being young is nice, but having maturity, wisdom, life experience.... So much better imo
Thank you all so much for your comments! @Nathalie yes im definitley trying to be better health wise more for her than for myself! X @Sheryl yes true, I’m so thankful for my own siblings so if I can give her that it would be great. @Jo all the best for the last month! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and you too @Tanya
I’ve seen this a lot and I think the best approach is to have the mindset that tomorrow is never promised. There are people out there who lost their parents at a young age for various reasons. So don’t let age stop you from doing what will make you happy.
I had my 3rd at 39, I'm now 40 and can't imagine doing it again at 47!
I'm curious did you get pregnant at 44 through IVF or natural conception ?
@Bella I had IVF when I was 43. I did fall pregnant before that without assistance but miscarried and had complications which led to some difficulties. I didn’t get married till I was 39 hence delay in starting a family
I came across this idea yesterday that guilt isn’t an emotion. It’s us projecting/empathising/imagining other people’s feelings onto ourselves, and you don’t need to, hand those feelings back. Google ‘older famous mums’ and see how common it is. 60s is the new 40s. You are going to bring up your kids to be so joyful and with a team mate… if it’s really true you have low energy (but what mum of a 18mo does??) then you take a honest look at how you can make a new truth so you can live a long energetic life, because you and your baby are worth it ❤️
Ps young mums are at higher risk of PPD, so you’ve actually done your kids a massive favour by waiting until you’re ready 🙌
I had my first daughter when I was 21, my first son at 23 and my second son at 26. After divorce and remarriage, at 42, 10 months ago, I had my second daughter! Definitely not planned, but she’s a blessing. If you’re doing the math, my youngest was born when my oldest was 21, which is the age I was when she was born. 🤦🏻♀️ We thought we would be grandparents soon, lol!! Anyway, my pregnancy was great, I was more tired & my blood pressure went up a little which was cause for induction a week early, but she’s perfect! She doesn’t like to sleep-she’s too curious about the world around her-so I’m exhausted. I get sad sometimes because we’ll be older parents when she’s a teen and she doesn’t have a lot of other family who stays involved, but she has older siblings who love her so much! I’m not sure if I have more patience or not because I loved having my littles even when I was younger, too, but I do try to soak this in more. Because now I know just how quickly it all goes! 🩷
Ok food for thought: people in general didn’t used to live as long. Many moms who had kids in her 20s and 30s died by 40 or 50. Do you think they were thinking they shouldn’t have kids?
I realize my post is a week late and very poorly written but i literally just had this thought and I had to post it.
Man I feel you. I think of this all the time too, but then I know I wouldn’t have been as good as a mom when I was younger. If it makes you feel better I also read a stat that moms that have kids later in life live longer - I think it’s because we know we need to stay healthy for our kids and so work at it harder.