Returning to Intimacy?
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@Chloe thanks- I actually am ready. I’m not able to breastfeed as I have no supply. Aside from trying to figure out how not to get pregnant again. It’s not even a horny feeling for me-‘it’s more of a close/ emotional feeling.. I just miss feeling connected in that way to him, and also just want to regain some sense of routine/ normalcy. We go out a lot , just went on first date only 4 weeks in as grandparents baby sat, starting to do small workouts again etc… but I just want more routine. My husband hasn’t even brought it up and is always very respectful of me.. but it kinda makes me sad cause it makes me feel like maybe he doesn’t feel the need at the moment because of energy and because we are so out of routine… I just miss the way things used to be
Hey, mommy of 3 and 35 years old. The best thing you can do is just try to have intimacy without actually having sex, remember to be flirtatious and have a healthy banter that can be sexy, talk about how your feeling and reassure yourself and your husband that you do miss it! Take any opportunity to kiss, hug or cuddle. The rest will follow, you will get the opportunity to have intimacy again, also don’t forget to take advantage of the times that baby is sleeping when they are a little older, you can have them in the bedroom with you if you’re comfortable, (they don’t have any awareness of what mommy and daddy are doing in bed). Give each other special attention like a massage or exercise together! Don’t forget the importance of self care as well, take a long shower, do your hair and put on something that makes you feel like yourself. All of these things will help you on your journey and someday you will be pros at sneaking off to have some “you time”. Hope this encourages you! Xoan
@Kiaya thanks I think the main problem is just lack of routine.. I mean life just feels like one continuous nap since 6 weeks ago- we get maybe 2.5-3 hour stretches of straight sleep.. and it’s just a continuous routine of feed baby, do activities and put back to sleep- we have maybe 1-1.5 hour stretches in between to get stuff done- but usually that means stuff like cleaning/ cooking/ grocery shopping.. basically essentials.. I can maybe squeak in 30’mins for light exercise.:: I just need to know one day a normal routine can come back- and it would be helpful to know around what month of new baby that will be lol
Yeah, like I said it will take time and things will get easier as your baby gets older, just don’t forget to take time to do things that make you feel good and keep you going! It’s so easy to get burned out during this phase, so don’t worry about getting everything down to a science right away, it will come naturally to you eventually, take advantage of any help or support you can get from family/friends so you don’t get overwhelmed.
yeah it took me like 15 weeks until i felt fine enough to have sex again, i did deliver vaginally and did tear & need stitches so that played a role in it too. but don’t feel rushed to get back to again, it’s perfectly normal to not want to or have the energy for it.
Our first time after c section was in the shower. Don’t remember if it was 6 or 7 weeks. But once baby went to sleep for the night we got in. I think the location helped the intimacy aspect as well. Not gonna lie for the first few months we had to do it on the couch because the baby’s crib was in the room with us, so there wasn’t much intimacy. Now that we are back in bed it has definitely improved.
@Elena yeah I think right now for us- anytime we put her down we go straight to sleep because we know she will be awake within 2-3 hours lol- so just trying to fit as much in as possible
In full transparency, my husband and I didn't have sex for 10 months after my youngest was born. Not only is it hard to find the time and private space to do the deed. I really didn't feel ready. My body had changed so much and still felt foreign to me. Not to mention that our pp bodies and brains are designed to focus completely on the new baby. Some women get their periods pretty soon after birth, even when breastfeeding, but I'm 14 months into breastfeeding and still no period. So I'm not having the regular monthly hormone cycles that cause the horniness that makes you instinctively want to have sex. My brain and hormones simply don't care to have sex right now when I've got this baby so needy still. May just be me but don't feel bad if you're not quite ready yet. If your husband is a good guy he will be patient and understanding.