Postpartum depression
I truly think I have postpartum depression. Everyday i feel like im suffering and like I don’t want to be here anymore but of course I stay for my baby. During my checkups I always check what I know will give me the lowest score on the ppd scale because I’m scared they’re gonna look at me as a bad mother or try to take my baby or send cps to my house or think I’m incapable. I went through cps a lot when I was younger and I don’t want her to go through that. Also, my second day in the hospital my boyfriends mom and sister had the nurses call crisis on me because I was freaking out about not being able to breastfeed and I don’t want them to try and send me away. But I’m seriously losing my mind everyday and I take it out on my boyfriend when he’s just trying to live too. I beg him for help every day and tell him how crazy I am and feel and how I just want to be happy but it makes him feel worthless because he can’t help. He doesn’t deserve this but neither do I, I’m losing it.
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Please be honest with your doctors! I understand the fear but they can help. I am on medication for my ppd and it helps so much. It can and will get better.
Like the other comments said please seek some help. If you continue living this way it can and will get worse. However if you’re working with someone on treatment and you’re getting yourself to be the best version of yourself and take care of your child then CPS won’t have any reason to be called or take your kid from you. If you leave this untreated there is no way of knowing how bad it could get. But if you get help for it they will see that as you being a good mother!! I’m so sorry you’re going through this and the anxiety sucks, I know. My heart goes out to you!
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Please seek help. You’re not crazy, your body and hormones are adjusting to a very big thing that just happened. Please write how you’re feeling at the doctors office- they are here to help or point you in the direction of someone who can. But you’ll never get the help if you don’t let them know you need it. Are you open to medication to relieve some of the feelings? It won’t happen overnight, but it can help. Or maybe talk therapy? Just talking to someone neutral who is a safe space can help too