Toddler behaviour after second baby

I had a second baby two weeks ago, and since then my little boy's behaviour has been unrecognisable. He'll be 4 in March and has always been very well-behaved. We never had to deal with big tantrums, even during the terrible twos or the threenager phase. But now every day is a huge struggle, he says no to everything (to food, to brushing teeth, to having a bath, to coming out of the bath, and so on), he screams at the top of his lungs and cries constantly and it's not possible to console him, he throws things, he hits us, he ignores us when we ask a question (multiple times), he whines and grunts and moans instead of using words, he wakes up many times through the night just screaming and crying. We have been really patient and understanding with him because we acknowledge that this is a huge change for him. We are constantly cuddling him, reassuring him, telling him how much we love him, and we both make sure to spend one-on-one time with him without the baby. He was really excited about becoming a big brother throughout my pregnancy and he's actually wonderful with his sister and eager to help with babycare, which we do involve him in. But his difficult behaviour is really wearing us down and we're having a hard time coping especially given that we have a newborn to look after now too. Has anyone been through something similar? Is this the new normal (😢) or will he go back to his old self at some point? How long will this last?

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Hi! I just want to message and say you aren’t alone. My little girl will be 4 in March too and our little one is 15 weeks it does get a little easier but I feel they are a big ball of emotion at the minute. Mine has just started up again with the broken sleep, very emotional and crying at the top of her lungs when we say no and it is so difficult and draining especially when you can’t console them 😭 she’s also started the new kicking and elbowing stage which hopefully passes very soon When I first brought the little one home she would sit and tell me how much she didn’t like me anymore and wanted the baby back in my tummy. We’re very emotional too this early in postpartum these little threenagers just know where to hit us so it hurts. Chin up mama you got this 🤍

My daughter was also jealous for fews weeks after I came back from maternity. She was asking for constant attention which I could not give to her as I was so exhausted and was feeding the baby most of the time. I felt guilty but also tried to figure out it wont’ be forever. Her little sister is now 4 months and it’s getting better. It improved when little sis started to interact more with my eldest daughter (smiling at her or laughing together). It’s been only fews weeks and you all need to find a new routine. Get confident it will get better with time: it might help stay positive!

When I had my second (now 13 months old) my son was 2y9m (now almost 4). He did exactly the same. Just went into tantrum mode 24/7. Crying, whinging, waking multiple times, sulking and just generally changed completely. He’d been so excited to be a big brother but the thing is he was too young to understand that he couldn’t bounce baby around like a doll or that I’d be with her so much as I was breastfeeding. It seems to be he’s attention seeking, just like my son was too. It’s completely normal and understandable. They’ve ‘lost’ mummy (well mummy’s 24h undivided attention) and that’s very difficult for them. He’s jealous. Try to spend some 1 on 1 time just with him. I’d do 1 day every week where I’d just take my son out. Swimming, theatre, playgroup, park, even just a walk or a dinner just me and him. I wanted him to understand he was still important to me and he hadn’t lost me. It took time but it did get better. They adore eachother now, it will get easier x

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