No judgement please

Please tell a doctor or someone in your life that you trust. You’re burnt out and experiencing significant hormonal changes. These feelings do happen but you don’t have to live with them. Please seek help.

PPD/PPA/PPR can all occur up to 2 years post birth! Please reach out to your doctor and discuss with them. There is help ❤️

@Liz I told my other half and he told me to stop moping around and get on with it

You probably need to go to therapy or some thing in that nature. This is a huge sign of postpartum depression and can turn into postpartum rage which can be deadly for your child. Which isn’t okay and it’s not normal. Everyone wants to say it’s normal because people do go through postpartum depression and postpartum rage, that is normal going through it but, actually feeling that way is not normal. That’s why you need to get help before you do something you regret.

Okay well then why is he someone you trust? Tell someone else. If you don’t have close friends (I didn’t), tell your family. If you don’t trust your family, you should have already told your doctor.

my doctors won’t give me an appointment they’re to booked up I tried

I agree with Liz. Also PPD can happen upto 24 postpartum. I'd definitely see your GP and be referred for therapy. And your partner needs to do some research before he says just get on with it. My PPD went undiagnosed and it got worse around 9 months mark, I have therapy and I take meds and I feel back to my normal self now.

I’m gonna be honest this is exactly how I’ve been feeling. I completely understand you and you will receive no judgment here.

You can call NHS 111 and get an out of hours appointment. My partner went the drs for me and stood at the door when they opened to get me an appointment

@Rachel really? How do you deal?

@Liz I don’t have anyone.

Honestly I have just been keeping going. My son needs me to love him even if I’m having a hard time right now. I know one day I’ll look at him and everything will be right again. Just remember walk away. It’s OK.

My partner said I was 9 months postpartum and struggling to cope with life let alone a baby. I'd also lost one of my twins before I gave birth to them which is why I couldn't be diagnosed with PPD. But I know exactly how you're feeling because I was feeling it. I didn't want to be near my son, I didn't want to do anything. And the rage I would feel in my chest building up was scary. I just didn't know who I was anymore, I was a shell of my former self and then I felt guilty for not being the mother my son deserved. Are you UK based?

I say this with all the love I can give to a stranger, you do not have “no one”, you have a baby. You just have no one to take care of you but yourself. I have felt the same way you do. You can do this.

Also to add on, I don’t think it’s postpartum depression in my case I really do think I am just tired and being around someone 24 seven can be exhausting even if they’re your own kid

There are still times at 14 months where I count the hours until my toddler goes to bed so I can breathe and not be "on" all the time. It's normal. Please reach out if you feel like you might have PPD. Be insistent with your doctor, look for community resources in your area, through public health or a call line or otherwise. You are not alone. Your partner should absolutely not have said to stop moping and get over it, that's a terrible thing to say to a new mother and someone, a professional or a doctor, needs to educate him on the reality of PPD, and the changes involved with new motherhood, because he doesn't have a clue. For us getting breaks was the game changer. You absolutely need time to yourself and those who say they don't, say so because they have the family or partner or community support that you don't have (or are just a rare, exceptional individual). We all need breaks for our sanity There is no shame in that.

@Megan yeah uk based

@Liz thank you I think I needed that

If you can't get a break from family or your partner, look at local options. Day care. The gym. Lots of single moms learned the trick of using gym childcare services to get a couple hours break, and a shower in. It's usually reasonably cheap and reliable.

@Melissa I tried going back to the gym but my partner got my stuff to do it at home so I can still look after the baby and when he’s home. He doesn’t agree with day care or anything as it’s my job being a sahm. He gives me about an hour break every week or month depending when he can be bothered honestly

I'd go drs first thing in the morning or call them. Be very insistent. If you can't get an appointment which if you explain the situation you should, then call NHS 111 and go to a different GP. Once you get help you'll start feeling better. Just please don't try and ride it out hoping it'll just go away because that's what I did from the moment my son was born and had I not broke down to my partner back in August about how I was really feeling I probably wouldn't be here now

@Megan I’ve broke down a few times to mine and it’s always suck it up or stop moping around or u have it easy at home all day with cute baby. So I’m honestly kind of embarrassed to even tell anyone now and I can’t leave the baby to go to doctors appointment as my partner can’t look after him and he’s teething bad at the minute so he just cries all the time when I try go out

I'm sorry :( He really needs to understand that it's not in your control. I'd just take him with you. Or does your GP offer telephone appointments?

@Megan I don’t think they do no

I'd ask as most drs offer that since COVID as they all had to have their phone systems updated

@Incognito 👻 please message me. I am in the same boat with my partner and I think that your negative feelings and your 'rage' are from a lack of help and understanding from your partner/'support system'... you can vent to me. I also found a few things I do for myself that help me get through the hard times/days with no breaks/help! ❤️ you are not alone girlfriend! Talk to me!

It sounds like you're extremely burnt out and your partner isn't helping at all. Just making things worse. It sounds like he needs a reality check. You should be getting an hour break EVERY DAY. You need time to be you again. Meds and therapy will help, but the burnout will get worse if you don't get any breaks, regardless of the rest of things. He's one of these men that has NO IDEA what it's like being a SaHM! He needs to be left alone with baby by himself for a day. It makes me so angry for you that he's treating you this way. If he won't voluntarily take a turn for a day to see what it's really like, take the keys and go out when you know he's going to be home. Surely he won't ignore baby all day if you're gone? He needs to be more involved and know how hard it is. Step up and be a dad... And a real PARTNER. I'm sorry he's treating you this way. No one deserves that. 🥺🫂

Thanks to the other ladies here... I had no idea why I was so angry all the time with these kids... I just thought it was burnout. I didn't realize PP rage was actually a thing. I tried to talk to my mom about it... But she's been so dismissive that I probably shouldn't have bothered... A different generation, and she went back to work when I was months old. She was never a SaHM... 😞😡

Get help mama! Tell your doctor, get a therapist etc. it won’t do any harm.

It’s good you feel bad! Maybe you have PPD? Don’t feel alone. & don’t feel bad to seek help

Sounds like PPD, mental health is so important to look after just as much as physical health. Your partner taking the baby for only an hour is not enough. You need things for you, and definitely speak to a therapist. Just because you are a SAHM doesn’t mean he can neglect your needs. Trust me i was in that position for years and now i have soo much resentment towards him that we need to work through

This is normal for a lot of people, it was for me and sometimes is for my second now. It gets better, you just have to push through it and get help when you can. Little breaks away from baby can be good and help at night if that’s ever possible

Respectfully seek professional help for the sake of you and your child

This brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for being honest about how you feel, takes a strong person to admit this. I used to feel like this with my first born and didn't have anyone to admit it. Start doing what you enjoy doing, join some groups, stay strong. It will past. 💚💚💚

@Aku Wellness 💚💚💚 thank you I’m trying to get myself back together. Thank you for being so kind (that goes for everyone leaving nice comments and not once to suggest I’d ever hurt my baby or do anything bad I may be struggling but I would never)

It’s so hard. It may be ppd, but also know time will help some. They will become more independent and you will get a little more of a break. Please do get help if you can, that is the best thing, but also do what you have to to get by. Maybe put baby in the bath if they like that or get out for a walk? Take baby to a nursing home to find a nice grandma who wants to hold a baby? Go to church, and put baby in nursery? You could always read a book in the back.

@Megan good idea! Lots of churches also have Mother’s Day Out where you can pay a little bit to have childcare for the day, I would 100% use that too. It’s like $10-15 usually. OP I felt exactly the same yesterday. My daughter isn’t chill like my first was, she likes constant attention usually and yesterday she was fussy all day from teething and she’s up all night too. When my husband got home, I tried my best to stay in the kitchen and let him hold her for about an hour. I didn’t even try to check on them and although I love my daughter to pieces, I needed a break and couldn’t hold her anymore. I was overstimulated and felt like breaking down from the constant fussing and neediness. I could barely even play with my son because she wouldn’t let me put her down and I was getting to a place of resentment because of that so taking a step back and letting dad have her really helped. I think what you’re feeling is normal sometimes, it can get really overwhelming

Going on walks and having a reset helps tremendously. Meet up with friends, even with the baby. Go window shopping, go to parks, do everything you can to break up the day but get outside as much as possible. Even just sitting outside at home for a few minutes can help reset you. Fresh air is sooooo beneficial for both of you! You got this! It will pass ❤️

@Kate that’s exactly what my baby is like he’s very much a Velcro baby but my partner doesn’t take him very often and if I ask it often ends in a argument about how he’s been working and he’s tired etc

Oof I’m so sorry, he sounds like a man child. That baby is 50% his, he doesn’t just get a pass because he went to work. I would make sure baby had everything he needed and was fed and then just hand him over to dad and leave. Just say “I have to have a break too, I’ll be back in two hours”

@Kate I’ve tried that he wouldn’t stop calling me and texting me saying baby is crying so much he’s choaking etc or he’ll just put baby in front of the tv

He's been working and he's tired?! Great... You're working 24/7 without his help. You're exhausted, overwhelmed and overstimulated. If you don't get a break then why does he deserve one?! Working outside the home is not an excuse for not showing up to be dad to his son. He needs to grow up and step up. If you go out, tell him you're turning your phone off and not to call. He's gotta figure it out. And if he's desperately calling you, then it's clearly not as easy as he's telling you it is when you are confiding in him about how you feel. 🙄 He can't have it both ways.

I think what might be going on here (without knowing either of you) is he's actually afraid. Out of his element. Has no idea how to do things. This happened with my husband and I. He was very unsure changing diapers, not knowing how to hold baby. He had no confidence. But we talked about it early and often. And I let him try often, and sometimes make a mess. He called for help a few times when poop ended up everywhere... But now he deals with the kids when he gets home from work. He changes them without being asked, even when i offer if I know he's had a hard day too. Maybe try to talk to him about his reluctance to help and what it's really stemming from. He needs to hold his son, comfort him... Work through the crying and don't give up. Tell him that "dad naps" can be a thing! Dad gets to lay on the couch and watch TV, and baby gets to sleep on his chest. My husband absolutely loved this bonding time!

It will get easier as they get older, and you have a few minutes to yourself when he's napping for longer periods. But that doesn't mean that this stage isn't super hard. Especially with no help and no breaks. 🫂💙 Hang in there, and we are always here for the emotional support... Even if we can't help physically!

@Danielle he knows how to look after him I’ve seen him change nappies and give him bottles and play hold and nap with him but he won’t now. He’ll play with him for a couple mins get bored then back to me or if he cries it “go to your mother” I’ve tried explaining I need help and how I don’t get a break it’s constant for me even in the night and most of the time he mocks me for it and says “well u don’t have to go out in the cold everyday to provide for the family”

Wow. What would he say if you said "fine you stay home if it's so easy and I'll go to work"? I'm sorry he treats you this way. To me this would be absolutely unacceptable. The kind of behaviour that would prompt me to first try to work through, but if he was unwilling to change, I'd be out the door. I realize that everyone has their own deal-breakers and reasons for staying when things externally look terrible. So there is no judgement for staying or putting up with the behaviour, that's your business. I just feel terribly for you. 🥺 I wouldn't be taking baby back from him... But i understand why you do, because you don't want him to treat the baby poorly, and you want him to be cared for... and sometimes we'll all do just about anything to get them to STOP crying! I've definitely been there. That's why i suggested leaving the house and turning your phone off so you can finally get a real break. 😞

@Danielle I’ve said this and said I’ll work instead but he refuses. I’ve said I’ll leave but he has all the money with me being a sahm and I have no one so I’m stuck and he’s said he’ll have nothing to do with the baby if I leave which our son adores him and he knows that will bother me

Find a mantra that works for you, and repeat it in your head with deep breathes. Ex: this is hard-that is okay- it will come and go-I love my baby girl/boy. It's hard to remember positive things in pp with all the constant changes and mental drain, take pictures of the good times and refrain back to them when you are struggling. At 7mo they are hard to get to sleep and can be very draining when they wake up. Teething is a gosh darn nightmare. This is actually when they say "sleep when the baby sleeps" actually makes a difference. Our lo would always have bowel movements at bedtime so I'd have to get up with her case she had a late one, but we would make sure to rest as we both needed to. I'd try to reset your system, like a shower or a rest with someone else on babyduty. We had to move the crib into our bedroom at times, or a pack n play. Whatever makes giving them attention but also getting your sleep the smoothest. Eventually it won't hit every nerve in your body anymore when they

Are screaming at night, it will go back to normal, even if they are crying they are okay and it's okay to take a moment