Not sure if I’m overreacting🥲

Right so my boyfriend and I have an almost 1 year old who I am still exclusively breastfeeding (won’t take bottle, dairy allergy etc). I only recently started working again in a new role which is part time (mornings only) and is fully remote so I can still have baby around and not pay for childcare. Anyway, my boyfriend has never really been involved in looking after her including night feeds (because I’m ebf), but recently our baby has been waking up over 5 x a night so I am shattered (she has never slept through either). He works from home a few days a week but recently he has started working evenings in another job several times a week leaving me to be with and solely look after our baby literally 24/7. I wouldn’t say that we are desperate for money at all, he just has his own personal finance goals. He does do bath time from time to time, he plays with baby, but now that he’s started working evenings this is very rare now, and to add he has never stayed with her alone. There are days where he won’t see baby at all. His main job also wants him to work on weekends in other cities across the country every 2 months. I felt really overwhelmed the other weekend whilst he was away because he hadn’t been around for 3 whole days and the sleepless nights have hit me. I messaged him to let him know that he needs to spend a whole day with her without me so I can just rest! A few days later we got into a small argument and he brought up what I said about being overwhelmed and he said I was ‘crying like a little b***h’. I’ve been fuming with him since and will be bringing this up today because I feel like he doesn’t realise just how hard it is being with our baby 24/7 and practically being the sole parent who ALSO does everything from cooking to cleaning and now working part time. I’m honestly so close to splitting from him. Our relationship hasn’t been great these last few months - no dates, no quality time, no affection at all just sex here and there but to be honest I’m never in the mood for it. I feel like a single parent already so I just think what would be the difference if I broke up with him… Am I just over reacting???🥲

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No you aren't overreacting at all. It sounds like the expectation is your life changes whilst he gets to continue doing whatever he wants and that's not how being a parent works. He needs to hold on off the evening stuff and give you support. In terms of the sleepless nights what's the routine for naps, wake up and bedtime? I can try make suggestions that may help. I also exclusively breastfed as my daughter wouldn't take a bottle either. Now baby is one you could start trying to cut back the feeds, especially overnight. If it was me I'd be letting him know if he won't step but then you are done then on a day you know he's there I'd leave baby with him so he knows how it feels.

You are not overreacting at all! This is completely unfair on you! He should be supporting you and your baby, and this is not being supportive in the slightest… also why is he so uninvolved? He should be as much of a parent as you are. I’m so sorry you’re going through this xx

@Natalie she will wake up for the day between 7:30am and 8am and go for a nap 3/3.5 hours later and sleep for about 1 hour. She will then have another nap at around 3pm for a further hour, but recently she has really been fighting her naps. I’m trying to stop night feeds by offering water instead and giving her way more solids but she’s still so hungry at night. She won’t stop crying until I breast feed

She may be ready to drop to one nap. My daughter dropped at 12.5 months and just did one nap at about 11.30 for 1.5-2 hours then bedtime 4-5 hours later. It sounds more like comfort feeding than actual hunger tbh. I used the comfort ladder to stop feeding to sleep or back to sleep and found she woke a lot less but also if the routine is right then she should naturally wake less.

@Holly I have no idea😢 the first few months he couldn’t even hold her or settle her because she would scream and cry until I held her (she did this with everyone not just him). I’d say from 7.5 months+ that’s when he started giving her baths and playing more with her, but that’ll be for 10 mins max after work. He has no clue what it’s really like to be a parent. I have been hesitant to leave her with anyone but I think I’m going to have to just make plans on weekends so that I can leave her with him for a few hours.

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