Should I get help or talk to someone?

I’m 3 months into being a new mom, I absolutely love it as it’s all I wanted growing up but something’s not right. My pregnancy wasn’t the best just because I didn’t feel in control & was hospitalised for a month then gave birth 1 week after being released and baby was born 5weeks early. I didn’t get to pack a bag get stuff ready or even create a birth plan I had to have an emergency c section & stay in hospital with baby for 2weeks. Baby makes me so happy but we’ve gone through bad side effects due to immunisations, reflux, colic & constipation issues which has made him really irritable. Has a melt down anytime baby is tired. When baby cry’s I can’t take it sometimes I sometimes feel baby doesn’t love me or know I’m his mum . I get really angry and irritable in those situations & even when my mum try’s to help I flip out on her too because I wanna do it I wanna be mum and be able to do it. I struggle to sleep even though I’m so tired most nights, I didn’t feel “that” feeling when baby was born that everyone talks about I thought it was because it was through c section maybe. I feel like all I do is ask for help from my partner not more then they should do but he told me “ I need to just get on with it I wanted this” I knew it would be hard but idk something doesn’t feel right. I don’t really remember baby’s first 2 months of life really it breaks my heart feels like I was on auto pilot. *due to illness I couldn’t breastfeed either which I wanted to do so I don’t even have that connection with baby * I’m also terrified when I’m left alone with him cause I think about the crying but when someone’s here to help I barley let them Is this normal new mum blues or should I speak to someone. I just want to be the best mum for baby