Mil goes around me to get whatever she wants

My daughter is 21 months old. She's not even 2 yet. Im 36 weeks pregnant and canceled the baby shower. My mil planned on coming into town and said she'd still keep her plans to do so (which is fine with me. I assumed she'd still be coming). My husband, me, and our daughter were all on a FaceTime call. She was talking about her visit this weekend and mentioned staying in a hotel with her other granddaughter (age 18). I thought nothing of it because she's done that before. Usually, she'll stay with her other son, who only lives 20 minutes away. Occasionally, she'll splurge on a nice hotel room, though. The moment we hung up, she asked my husband (more so told him what her plan was and expected him to roll with it) if she could have our daughter for the weekend at the hotel. She had this extravagant plan to have both of her granddaughters with her. Our daughter isn't even 2 yet.. And why do you think you can avoid asking/telling me when plans include OUR daughter. Where will she sleep?? Also, her bedtime is 8pm. My mil is pretty notorious for doing whatever the hell she wants when she's around. I don't trust her to keep the sleep and nap schedule. So, her leaving me out of the loop telling me her plan and idea isn't much of a surprise. What bugs me the most is how my husband doesn't draw the line with her. She always goes around me. Honestly, if she didn't try to avoid including me as a parent, then I wouldn't be as irritated by this. She still expects our little girl to stay with her this weekend because he still hasn't told her no. This is why she thinks her actions and behavior are acceptable. I'm tired of being a doormat and not considered as an equal in her eyes.

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A flat out hardcore hellllllll no! That’s insane she could even think that way, your partner needs to say no asap!

@Pia he didn't. He hasn't answered her on it. He agreed with me and stated that it's a very odd request from her. I even told him, "Why don't you suggest they stay over here at our house if she wants to have both of her granddaughters with her??". He has issues with telling his mom no to anything and everything. I'm usually the bad cop.

Yea than I’d just ignore it if he doesn’t want to speak up,the moment your mother in law calls back again with the same request you talk to her and tell her off about your daughter staying overnight in the hotel if you aren’t comfortable

um where’s his backbone ?! the MOTHER should in the loop about ANY plan regarding her not even 2 year old… what the hell is wrong with mil to not include you ? all that aside, if you don’t trust her to stick to your LOs schedule, and your husband is being a jellyfish then there’s not really much to discuss is there. Part of me would wanna say no just to spite her but it really is about your LO and keeping her on schedule also in my eyes, mom trumps everyone else

Honestly I would much rather she go through my partner and has ask him and then him come ask me so we can make a decision together. I have a MIL that only thinks of me as the parent of my child and leaves her son out of parenting and it makes me so mad . I wish my MIL would go through her son then he can pass it down to me. Instead she only goes to me so he doesn’t have to deal with parenting related issues

And btw I think it’s a totally normal question to ask and she might have felt more comfortable asking her son and then he asking u. I would have liked this scenario

@Luz i completely understand your point of view. It's just a different scenario here with her. She used to ask me, but she doesn't like my (our) response. She typically has outrageous requests that aren't age appropriate or just plain dangerous. She assumes im the one who calls the shots when I reply "no". This was really just her way to try to manipulate. She wasn't even asking. She was telling him (us) that she was going to rake our daughter over the weekend to stay at a hotel.

I’m so glad to hear u use the word no comfortably … I think that might be why my MIL always comes to me only bc I am a people pleaser and usually can’t say no. I’m working on saying no. I think in ur case maybe u could do 50/50 half the weekend allow mil to take baby . Up to u 😊

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