Help

first off just wanna say you are not a monster. you’re doing amazing paying attention to how you’re feeling and getting help. not being alone with him is a great idea just in case but i would still stay with him if you can. is your provider helping you with going off of your meds and back on? PSA never stop taking medication without talking to your provider first

@sydney no, I stupidly went off my meds all on my own. I missed a couple days on accident, tried to get back on, missed a few more & after that I just made the dumb decision to just stop in hopes that I was "better"... But clearly, I'm not.

@sydney thank you for saying that btw I'm just trying to be better for my son...I just dk how 🥺

I've seen a lot of struggles in my personal life with people trying to come off of their antidepressants and sadly end up feeling very similarly. I just want to add, if and when you ever feel ready to come off of them, it's so so important that you wean, for weeks – even months and taper very slowly and is so dangerous to just stop them immediately. Have you considered starting part-time work and setting up some childcare? He's a great age to be interacting with other children and would give you some independent time away to just be you for a while. Alternatively, do you have family you can lean on? Maybe having someone come up to see you both during the day can help shift your mind away from those feelings and it helps you not having to be alone. Overall, this whole parenting journey is so hard. My own mother had ppd shortly after me and is still on those meds almost 25 years later. I am also at risk given my mental health pre-pregnancy. It's normal and there's absolutely no rush to stopping them. X

@Kim sometimes medications can turn ppl into monsters though..ppl do things they normally wouldn't or extra rage comes in or side effects.. but impressive if aware of it. I thought u can come off of meds once baby is older no, or like...I thought things kinda go back to way they were... so u don't have take them. I never thought about life long ppd meds.. did it change the way her mind functioned and it never went back

@Ali Hey Ali, I understand why you'd be worried about side effects, etc. The only side effects my mother has experienced have mostly been physical, and particularly when also trying to stop them. She's also struggled a lot with appetite and swallowing, but I can neither confirm or deny that the medication has caused those issues, but like anything, it's both likely and unlikely. I can attest to say that I don't think my mum would either be here today, or be as capable of battling half of the situations that have come her way throughout the last 20 years if it wasn't for those meds. I certainly wouldn't say that it turned her into a monster, she was very attentive to me and my brother growing up and I generally have the opinion that unmedicated depression can also have some pretty nasty effects on people's behaviour. I just think people should do what they believe is best for their situation and with that comes a little self-awareness.

@Ali pt. 2 Of course, if someone decides that they think they can cope without medication, then they can definitely start to come off of them when baby is older, but most doctors worth their qualifications will always advise that it be done by weaning. They're serious meds and mess with chemicals in the brain, so abruptly stopping them is generally not recommended. I'm not sure if my mother is a unique case because there have been a few things in life that have contributed to her staying on them (the death of her dad, my brother's autism diagnosis, financial issues, etc.), I'm sure there are people out there who take them for as long as needed, wean off successfully, and never need them again, it's probably very case-by-case. Personally, I've seen more people struggle to come off of them than I have successfully do so, but the way I see it is if you need them to function and quite literally survive, then that's just it, you need them and probably aren't ready to go without. Nothing wrong with that!

@Ali pt. 3 As for her brain functioning, I don't think it's had a major impact on her functioning at all, she's very much the same as I remember her being my entire life. Although, at this point, I do think she'd benefit from therapy. I think people are very different in how they take to meds and if you notice there's something not quite right, then it's important to be in tune with yourself and consult a doctor when needed. There's also different types of antidepressants, and they all affect people differently. Generally, when you find a match, they can be really helpful. I think it just bears mind going into it as educated and aware as you can if possible. It's a medication and there's always likely to be side effects, especially from long-term use, I guess it's just about weighing up the pros and cons for your situation. ☺️