No community or village

How do you cope with lacking any form of community or village? I was parentified at relatively young age, and helped raise my younger siblings since I was 14. But throughout my entire life, my mother said that no one ever helped her in life and labeled me selfish, self-centered, and not family oriented. I struggled with low self-esteem because my mother heavily criticized and bullied me under the guise of “constructive” criticism. When I was expecting my first child, my mother told me that it wouldn’t be sunshine or rainbows for me. She was emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive throughout my entire pregnancy and postpartum. When my son was diagnosed with cancer, my mother refused to spend any amount of time with us at the hospital or offer any form of support. Yet spoke of him daily and preached about the struggles of having a grandchild with cancer as if she had been there every step of the way. I’ve watched my mom’s behavior get increasingly worse over the past four years and with each pregnancy she makes it about her. Highlighting how much more special things would be if she had another baby. Now that I’m no contact with my mom, I can’t imagine why someone would refuse to support their children when they need them the most. Anytime when I’ve tried to discuss the lack of support or interest my mother has with her grandchildren; She immediately deflects and goes off about how no one ever supported her in life. I just can’t grasp wanting to continue perpetuating a generational curse/trauma. I can handle not having a village or support system. I can handle not having a babyshower or friends and family to share the joy with. But I simply can’t tolerate bitter family members projecting their animosity and trauma onto the family my husband and I have created.

Show your support

Family is the worst and strangers would love and care for you and yours like their family. I’m a loner from family and I prefer it like that I refuse to subject my children nor myself to those people behaviors mannerisms morals. The lonely road isn’t easy but when you have children it fills that void and not having your mother seems beneficial to you anyways. Inbox me I’m trying to move out of NYC to Go anywhere in NY other than the boroughs I can be your new family me and my children

Im so sorry you had to grow up and sort of continue being in such a bad environment specially when the abuse is coming from your mom. But that chapter is over!! From the sound of it, you are putting your foot down and you are in the right path with acknowledging its definitely not normal behavior. Your mom is having her own struggles she needs to deal with but I mention this because this is not your fault. Her being alone is not your fault! The way she treated you is not your fault. But also its not your job to fix her when you have your new family to be present for. I’d love to chat further if you want so feel free to DM me. Your doing an amazing job! Cut those bad habits you are use to and create a better future for you and your family.

There's no talking to folks like that. I got a similar mom. These women are the reason for the word deadbeat

In my opinion, the sad truth is that you don’t ever really get over it. It is a special type of pain that never goes away. Your mum is a victim of her past, and she has fully embraced this position within, whilst failing to acknowledge her responsibility to you, who did not ask to be born. Her bitterness will get worse as time passes. Sadly, she is jealous of you, and she is angry that nobody ‘rescued’ her. Despite your vulnerability/trauma, she feels vindicated by seeing you suffer. She loves your children, but sadly they are impacted. Pray and work to build a village, but be warned, it is harsh out here! DM me if you ever want.

I have always wanted to go to New York. I’m 6.5 months pregnant with a daughter and I’d love to be friends , my village is spread out in different states . Hmu

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