😔I’m not the mom I thought I would be

I struggle with this same thing. The cyclical factor is killer but I also think it’s the first step just being aware of it. 2 under 2 is no joke and I think without proper rest it’s so easy to become that mom we don’t want to be and also beat ourselves up over it. (I get waves of depression.) Awareness is amazing. Recognizing that moment and space between our emotion (anger) and our reaction is the next step. Once you can reflect in that single space and moment about how to react I try to say to myself your anger is fleeting and how you treat them is forever. When I’ve slept enough I can usually grab onto this moment. If I haven’t slept enough and I know I’m less patient I consciously try to give up control and remember this is a phase where we all need more sleep.

Following, you aren’t alone in this!

I suggest following beat busters on social media she has so many good tips and strategies for raising kids. As a parent your still learning everyday it’s important to model the behaviour you want your children to have and its ok to slip up from time to time. When you yell just stop and apologise to your children let her know that the way acted was not ok and reassure her that will try not to do it again. You guys can learn together don’t beat yourself up we all make mistakes acknowledging them and than trying to change doesn’t happen over night give yourself time xo

I can so relate!! Like @Kc I came here to recommend the brat buster, her profile is here. https://www.instagram.com/bratbustersparenting?igsh=MW5uNTUwbDQwOXdxMQ==

I think that you’re already a great mum for even realising that there’s some patterns you want to break. I would recommend to set realistic and small goals, I have a 2yo and what worked for me and made me and him build a much better connection is the following: - give some time a day (20/30 mins) of undivided attention to each kid - direct them and teach them (the toddler) on how to play independently. My son loves puzzles so I leave him for stretches increasingly longer to play alone - I don’t yell anymore, but not because he’s better behaved (kids don’t listen) but because I correct his actions before he does something wrong. - if I don’t get there in time, I make him fix his mistakes (pick up what he spilled, etc). Serious but without yelling. When we’re done we move on all happy. - if he refuses to do something, I start haggling: (eg “I’ll let you watch 5 more mins of TV only after you get dressed”), and take away calmly whatever he is interested in, if he still refuses.

After realising he won’t be able to play with his toy/watch tv etc until he does what I say, he takes a minute of getting frustrated and then independently turns around and does what I’ve asked! It’s been easier to handle but I have to admit it requires a lot of physical and mental energy! But we all have the meltdowns and the yelling moments! We are only human! So don’t beat yourself up ♥️

Empathy&Grace is how babes...I was raised by an awful mother but she did have some little pockets here & there of kindness,creativity &affection tbh I had to unlearn bad habits & ways I picked up from her.I focused on doing the opposite of whatever she did and it surprisingly worked.Tbh I had the same fears&made some of the same mistakes as you.Please don't beat yourself up bad about it.Let me reveal something to you.None of us are perfect,we all fall short.We as mothers have good days& even days when we want to stay in bed&"throw in the towel" but please know that things that happen in our individual lives are simply lessons or a blessing. The mere fact that you acknowledge that there are things that you would like to actively change tells me You Are A Great Mother&all I can also suggest is to find people who embody who you wish to be more like,try to find older people & couples local to you who you respect to mirror and to learn from.No,motherhood doesn't come with instructions but You Got This Girl!❤️

My kids are 16 & 11 and I still struggle and feel like I've failed you are not alone just have empathy and grace. No one is perfect and for the fact that you feel this way and have acknowledged you part in it all you are a great mom best of luck ❤️

It can be overcome. The key here is recognizing the problem: reactivity. The solution: expand the gap between stimulus and response so you can make a better choice. In the moment this can look like recognizing the anger coming up in you and pausing, closing your eyes and breathing deeply. But that is hard to do if you don’t have a foundation of expanding the peace and quiet within you through meditation. A consistent meditation practice will change your life, expanding peace and equanimity, so that you can be unshakable regardless of circumstances.

Sometimes I feel the same

“Brat busters” is toxic and not at all respectful of children as people. I highly recommend Baffling Behaviors podcast and Facebook page, Mr Chazz, and Amanda Diekman-Low Demand Parenting. My tips are to keep things simple—what are your family values? They should promote connection and compassion. We can’t teach kids to respect others without modeling it to them. When you (or they) feel frustrated, get low! It helps our bodies calm down when we feel grounded. Outside time and water are both helpful for calming our bodies. Whispering makes kids listen better. I clap my hands or flick a light switch first if needed. Remember that their brains are under constant construction! They entered this world not knowing any of the social rules or anything else. Many of those are circumstantial, making it harder to sort out. It’s really hard to learn how things work when even your own brain is changing. Support and empathy are vital. I remind my kids that we’re on the same team.

I feel you and know that you're not alone. 😊 I completely understand the frustration, exhaustion, and guilt that can come with parenting, especially when our own upbringing has shaped us in ways we wish to change. Many of us grew up in households where discipline was strict, patience was thin, and emotions were not always handled gently. And despite our best intentions, we sometimes find ourselves mirroring those same patterns with our own children. The regret that follows is heavy, but it is also a reminder that we have the power to break the cycle. What matters most is that we recognize our struggles and take active steps toward change. It’s okay to have moments of weakness. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. What’s important is that we don’t stay in that place. Growth takes time, and the fact that you are seeking to become a more patient, understanding, and gentle mother is already proof that you are changing. You can do it 💪

I'm struggling with the same thing. It's a hard but as others have said realizing thing makes you a great mom and is the step

I feel you 100%. I grew up thinking I was never gonna be the horrible mom she was to me. Guess what? I've become her! Please understand that we learn how to be women and mothers through our moms, we record everything she did and said, and it was stored in the subconscious mind. Now, the conscious mind said, "I would never do that," but guess who is running the show? The subconscious mind. I tried so hard to overcome that over the years until I realized that when I was triggered, I kept losing it! My wake-up call was when my oldest daughter walked away from my life, then I became pregnant, and I say to myself, "Enough is enough of my nonsense. I started therapy two years ago, and I've been much much better. I couldn't get better on my own. It's like braking a bone and thinking I would fix it. Professional help is needed when things are too messy to do it on our own. A big, bug hug to you, Mama!

you are definitely not alone! The struggle is REAL

My biggest suggestion is look into “conscious parenting”! This guys account has a lot of like real life examples & he gives great explanations https://www.instagram.com/dariusryankadem?igsh=MXFjd2RrcnJnb3lsYg==

Chelsey is also a fav of mine https://www.instagram.com/drchelsey_parenting?igsh=MWxibGFzcHQwaTJpNQ==

When I feel myself losing control or becoming impatient, I try to step away and regroup for a minute. Maybe even put her down for a nap early so I can get a relaxation shower in or feed myself properly or take a nap. Sometimes I get creative like put the playpen in the bathroom with me so I can get a quick shower. It’s easier to control my reactions when I take care of myself.

I am emotionally regulated. My daughter is 7 months old. my recommendation would be to take 3 deep breaths before responding or reacting. Walk away if you can. Stretch. Have a mantra that you say to yourself, "I'm a great mom. I know what to do at every step." And believe it.