My postpartum journey after my second was damn hard, but ultimately led me to my career change and inspired my passion to help others

I lost myself. And not just an, “Oops, I took 3 left turns to go right”. Looking back, I don’t remember many details of my son’s first year of life. I don’t remember his first word. His first steps. His favorite food. When he rolled over or sat up. I remember breastfeeding. I remember my oldest daughter being so infatuated with him-I have endless pictures capturing moments between them. But I have few pictures of me with him. And the ones I do are all selfies with him nursing or in his chair the first six months. You see, I didn’t like myself, I couldn’t reestablish my sense of self, my identity outside of “mom”. I failed miserably. I love being active, playing volleyball every year in leagues, being outside and getting dirty, lifting weights, and going on walks with my kids. But I couldn’t get to that point. I see now that I probably had PPD. I had to claw, dig and scrape myself out of that pit. I had to fight. And I fought. Hard. I am so damn “lucky” that I had formed habits that I maintained throughout pregnancy--lifting, running (begrudgingly) playing volleyball, helping on the farm. You see, it was those foundational habits that eventually dug me out of the despair and helped me gain the confidence, the sense of self, the happiness that was missing. Because even though I was happy-happy to have my second child, to see the love flourish between my two kids, to watch my husband transition from girl dad to boy dad, it felt like I was watching it all through a fogged-up piece of glass. Being able to use fitness, especially lifting, to help me regain that lost physical strength, I was also able to regain my mental clarity and strength to help pull me up. Lifting didn’t just make me stronger; it helped save me. And maybe, if you've made it this far, it could help pull you back from that dark place, too.

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That is AMAZING good for you girl I’m so happy for you. For me it was dance. First it was just Zumba and Pilates at 4m but that was just on autopilot and forcing myself to get my strength back and to have something for myself (a hobby, I encourage all mums to go to that one outside class a week for themselves if not for their physical health, something to give you a break and get out of the house for) it wasn’t until I stumbled across free salsa and bachata classes when he was 18m that really helped me find myself, have a long-year goal, have something to look forward to going, to improve in, also gave me more of a social life when my friends are busy coz my Friday nights are locked in and the classes are on at the same place every week. I have levels that I need to complete and really proud of myself when I go up a level of salsa. Fitness in any form is a saving grace for mums PP coz it helps regain our strength and gives us purpose and helps us gather our thoughts after a long week 🙌

@Kellie yes!! It's so important for moms to do something for themselves that benefits them both physically and mentally!! I'm glad you found something that you enjoy that challenges you and motivates you!! Gaining strength too in the process is another great benefit... gotta be able to lift your kids up for as long as possible!

@Jessica I saw this IG reel the other day that absolutely broke my heart but is really trying to show what you’re trying to say in this post. I feel sorry for this Mum and I hope she can better herself, in the future, for the sake of her kids if not for herself. I hope some mums reading can gain some inspiration from it too 🥺 https://www.instagram.com/reel/DFBULWBT3Dk/?igsh=ZGpzNTZpcGZseHMy

@Kellie exactly that! It's a dark place to be... hopefully those in that position have someone to shine a little light for them to help lead them to where they need to go

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