So I have decided to end up my marriage with my husband, after 1,5 years I decided to do this,

Is it just you two going on the trip or is it a family vacation???

@Sarah that week is just us. I feel guilty for so many reasons, but I am not feeling it anymore, I have tried for over a year to make it work, but it is not working for me, I know he feels it, he even asked me, but I was not brave enough because of the vacations etc. But I am determined this time.

I’d tell him now and cancel or just not go if he’s abusive

@Tiffany after many discussions and me telling him that I don’t like the way he would treat me. This year he started acting better we did a few couple therapy sessions, he says he wants to be better for us, he has asked me to forgive him for all those years and give him another chance, but I don’t think I can. He is not physically abusive, he is/ was verbally abusive.

Sometimes verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse. With physical abuse you see bruises etc but emotional and verbal etc you can’t see the bruises but there are there and worse. A holiday is not a solution if wasn’t the cause . It can worsen your situation. Tell him now if you feel nothing is going to improve

That’s still abuse and I feel if they are capable of one they are capable of all. Being away on vacation with someone capable of hurting me sounds like a nightmare and crime scene waiting to happen

There are two dangers associated with going on this vacation. #1, he is likely get mad and be abusive and ruin the vacation. #2, you might loosen your determination to end it and end up trapped in the relationship longer before you get up your determination again. If it’s going to end anyway, it’s ok to do it after the vacation or do it now, both are valid. Just try to think if the vacation will be a nice thing or not. If it’s not, why go? If it is, it might confuse you and keep you trapped in the relationship longer. If you postpone ending it, you should write down how you feel, tell two friends, and set a dare to end it and follow through with the plan on that date.

@Grayson I thought actually about telling him following weekend, however where should I go? I am sure he is going to get mad and start making some type of comments to make me feel some type of way! I don’t want to go through it! Should I then apply for an appt and once I tell him move there? All the kids stuff are here, and in 3 weeks I am going on vacations with my kids with my parents as well, he was going to join us the following week and my parents were going to take care of the kids. I could cancel the flight I was supposed to go with him and the Airbnb’s however my situation here at this time if I tell him it might be a little complicated, But I honestly don’t feel like going on vacations with him when knowing I am determined I am done with this relationship.

End it now. One of you can change the name on the holiday and go with someone else. One of you doesn’t go

Do not tell this man nothing til you talk with a lawyer!! Know your legal rights first and foremost! When it comes to men you fear you need to put your safety first!! Telling an abusive man that you are leaving is dangerous - lawyers can help you have a plan to get out safely…

If you are worried about his reaction, please call the domestic violence hotline. They will help you think things through and make a plan. Where will you go? It is a long hard road to leave your partner. It will be very hard before it gets easier. Many people plan out the entire thing and then just tell their partner and leave right away in one fell swoop when they’re ready—if you feel like you can’t plan together how to separate amicably. As for your vacation, if you don’t want to ho with him, you don’t have to. You could go with your parents and come back early. You could take him with you & your parents and come back early. You could go with your parents and then he could go have the kids by himself while your parents watch them… whatever works. It’s healthy to be truthful with him but if you’re not really safe, you may have to bide your time to protect yourself before you’re ready to tell your truth about leaving.

The hotline will help you think through all of this.

@Grayson after re thinking this through, I truly decided to tell him, I might lose money on the tickets or Airbnb but my happiness and health and well being it’s more important. Thank you ladies, you are amazing. I have actually requested to go to see an apt and if it all works out I might secure that apartment and when I return from my trip I will have a place to go to.

Thank you thank you guys, you are amazing for helping me through this and I just felt everything will be alright , I am religious so I have also been praying and and I am doing exactly what I think it is going to be better for me.