Am I the asshole?

Soo I’m a first time mom. My mom is a first time grandma. My whole relationship with my mom is a struggle, even before baby and pregnancy. While pregnant I would express my boundaries and anxieties and it was always met with blank face and no response. This is something I’ve grown to expect, as she’s always been that way in regard to things she doesn’t believe herself or agree with. Which is fine I guess. Well now that baby has come, I’ve had to enforce these boundaries. As uncomfortable as they have been for her, she’s come to understand a bit and just started doing them without being asked IE wash your hands after smoking and don’t touch the babies face. In the last few weeks I’ve noticed her getting more comfortable and acting as if the boundaries ‘ went away ‘. She’s started doing things I’m uncomfortable with, then when I tell her how it makes me feel she gets defensive or angry. Well I’ve been angry about it. And started just distancing myself and isolating myself again. Which isn’t fair to my son, I’d like him to know his family and have a relationship with them. So I decided well I should just talk to her. Oh but talking with her about literally anything is so difficult and often turns out an argument. I had no interest in an argument so I sent a message. Just letting her know how I felt, and that the boundaries are still in place. That I want to leave her with him one day, but can’t until I feel confident these things will be respected. Well she didn’t even acknowledge the message. A day later asked me something unrelated. Never responded to my answer. Then when I went over to visit, didn’t speak a word to me. 5 hours of silence. Nothing, didn’t even address the baby. So my question is, am I an asshole for telling her how I feel and deliberately explaining my boundaries?