How to tackle PPD at 9.months

I’ve been feeling physically and mentally not there and feel awful as my maternity leave is coming to an end it doesn’t they’ll not wanting to go back but I have to go back to work. My child screams at my in laws or anyone else and only settles with me so it’s breaking my heart but PPD has hit me with a ton of bricks am struggling to stay afloat and feel like I’ve been in survival mode for so long now, feeling am better off not here but also wanting to be the best mum for my child but just a whirlwind of emotions wanting to make memories with my little one but also struggling to do so but feel like I kid myself a little being the default parents is hard at times but I like to think of it as I get all the memories. But also wanting to have experiences as a family. It’s so rough I feel like my brain is scrambled and I don’t know how to make myself feel happy again even tho I absolutely love the heart out of my child.