How do you know when it’s time to call it quits?

My husband and I have been married for 5 years now and have an beautiful daughter. This will be a long text if I go into details but he’s a good person but we bump heads a lot. I deal with depression so for while I thought I was the problem but ever since going to therapy I realized my husband is a huge part of why I’m not happy. There’s a part of me where I still want to save it but then another part of me thinks, is it really worth saving if at the end of it we’re just going to separate? We’ve tried marriage counseling once but we didn’t like this person and never went back to the counselor. I just started on pills to see if it will help me mentally and maybe that can help my marriage if I’m mentally okay? But at the end of the day it’s his actions (such as not doing my love language, not listening to me, and not making me feel wanted) that gets me depressed.

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You know it takes 2 in a union dear. You have said everything you feel like is wrong with him but have you thought of the part you fall in?? I am just suggesting that perhaps you also need to look into how 'can I as the wife be a better version of myself for our union to continue lovingly'.... if you believe you have been the best version of yourself to him and your union and that you have done everything you can to save it then by all means it may be time. Just talk talk and seek help and work on yourself and I can almost guarantee he will change. However it is important that you take care of yourself first. X

And to be clear he may or may not be- I don’t know him but just in case he is- doesn’t hurt to have the information… better safe than sorry

I would try a different counselor. My hubby and I are in a similar boat because we did it for a few sessions but the marriage counselor wasn’t consistent. We’ve been struggling but we have to find a counselor that works for us. I encourage you to keep trying until you find a therapist that works for you and hubby. Also get therapy for yourself if you don’t already do so. It helps a lot!

It’s so good you are getting help for your depression. I think it’s also really important that you focus on self love and giving yourself the attention you need. Sometimes a partner will fall short in those areas, but you won’t really know for sure if you haven’t built those skills for yourself first. Most people have the wrong expectations about marriage and rely too much on their partner to make them happy. There’s a difference between him intentionally withdrawing and withholding love vs seasons where you both just need to be more intentional. Getting some professional help (from the right person) will help. I’d be happy to talk with you both to see if my coaching approach is the right fit. Just send me a message or book it on my website: drchavonne.com

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