Is it manipulative for my mum to do this?
She'll say something insensitive, for example earlier I was saying that my son is shy around some people and will sometimes cry when he sees them (usually he will warm up after 10 minutes and is absolutely fine).
She said to me "well you know why that is don't you?" Implying that it's my fault because I don't see these certain people enough. (It's not close family or people we would even have a chance to see often anyways)
I'm used to her making comments like this though so I just ignored her.
Then she comes to me apologising saying she's "sorry for being a stupid mum", and I'm like it's fine?? Just wish she wouldn't make comments in the first place then make it out like I need to feel sorry for her.
Show your support
That is ridiculous! Babies cry & my toddler now even cries at family members he see every day as naturally they will always prefer their parents! X
@Lauren yeah that's exactly what it's like. Whenever she apologises she will always say something self-deprecating then I feel the need to coddle her and say "oh no you're not a bad mum" etc. She's done it for as long as I can remember, even when I was a child. It is exhausting 😮💨
@Incognito exactly! My son sees his grandad probably 2 or 3 times a week, but recently went through a shy phase with him, it passed and now he runs into his arms again. I think its totally normal x
Trending in our community
It’s not nice for your Mum to do this and the comments are hurtful. I have similar issues with my mum. It’s what I’d describe as narcissistic behaviour which can involve manipulation. Though feel the comments seem less about control and more about lack of awareness/empathy and wanting to seem self important by making comments/statements and invalidating your feelings. A form or emotional abuse especially if it happens frequently. It’s good to be aware of this and not let her words get to you or even address them. They do it for attention. So if that comment was made to me by my mum I’d ignore it and respond with something else entirely or say anyways…. Or if I really wanted to address it would just say that’s not a nice comment. But there is little to be gained from debating about it and then classic they will apologies but in a way that makes you feel bad or you have to make them feel better by saying your not stupid etc. It’s exhausting!