Help! Im dont know what I am doing 🫣

Hello, girls, I need some constructive advice and dont spare my feelings, be brutally honest. (its ok, i enjoy self improvement, it wont kill me). I dont know what the hell im doing, I am a grown a$ woman who wants to make at least a couple more friends, but I am not skilled in this area. I have no friends from childhood due to life circumstances, or high school. As a teen i bloomed extremely late which gave me cripplingly low self esteem during that time of my life, that still occassionally likes to knock me down a peg or two even now. At 17, everyone thought i was 12, at 21, people were still mistaking me for 14. It was awful and trying to make friends my own age was humiliating and I was usually rejected- i dont blame them. No adult looking person wants to be friends with someone who looks like a literal child. In my 20s I developed some self confidence but i was still shy and quiet in new environments and with new people. Once i was comfy though, my shell would crack open and I would be my nice, goofy, bubbly self. I was invited to plenty of things, parties and such, but these friendships were very surface level and I wasnt able to make any close girl friends as they already had their close friends and circle established. Just party invites, nothing more. Then I got married. So here I am in my mid 30s, SAHM since forever and no new friends since my mid 20s. One of my friends back then said that first impression meeting was that i was a stuck up bitch, then after talking- i was the sweetest coolest person ever. Ok, so that was my fault. I had a habitual poker face. I mingle in places with other moms due to my kids stuff but no one talks to me. We shoot eachother side glances but thats it. Its either we all have the same problem- want to say hi but then chicken out.... or its a 'please, please dont talk to me' glance. I see them talking to other moms just fine though. Am I a social pariah? I usually smile more so I know its not RBF. What are your first impressions? What do I need to change? Should I just take the initiative, as nervewracking as that is? Does everyone else just already have their friends and dont need me? Ive tried chatting with some other moms at my kids school events when I get up the nerve to initiate, but they seem fidgety, avoid eye contact and then go talk to someone else. I also tend to be the one who initiates texting when it comes to my aquaintences, the ladies I do have their number. Is there something about me that makes people not want to be closer friends? I feel like its a first impression. I think if only I am the one taking initiative than they clearly dont like me that much for some reason, despite not knowing much about me. Pulleaaaze, I need help, i need another adult to sip matcha or mocha with and giggle while we watch our kids play on the playground. (I do have a besty from my 20s but we live so far apart we rarely see eachother 😥)

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I think it's a confidence issue there's nothing wrong with you looks wise I've always been a wall flower but I started acting like I was the bubbly friendly popular girl (a n d yes it'san act) it works honestly if you're interesting it's hard to make friends most folks Don't like interesting so you have to ask yourself if you want to sell out or not honestly if you stay yourself you'll probably have only a couple friends but you'll be far less lonely than if you pretend to be someone else to make friends

This is 100% me lol I have rbf bad and I’m just not very sociable in general. I mostly came here to say I love your bowl 😂 I inherited the whole stack set from my great grandma

Yes to what the other lady said. Fake it till you make it. Some people won’t be open or maybe they’re shy but a lot of people are receptive to my friendliness and small talk.

You’re very self aware I admire you.

You are very genuine it’s a shame you live so far. Would love likeminded people around here 😊

People can sense desperation aka thirsty. I promise I get it I'm a lonely SAHM myself but for me. it's cause it's hard to meet people or step outside of everyday responsibilities.

Anything you chase will run away. Tell the universe what you want and then start opening doors for that reality to come in. For example downloading 🥜 🙂.

You need to totally get out of your head you are not your past your traumas or triggers. You're a mom who likes mocha and whatever else you decide makes u who you are today. Own it n they will come. I think you should find yourself and become your own bf first.

Fall in love with you n so will everyone else. Until then fake it till you make it and walk up in the next event like you are the hippest mom in the room and everyone should want to be your friend 🧡 not saying they are gonna all pull out phones to exchange info but if nothing else you won't have so much anxiety or be overthinking

So maybe stop worrying if Im imposing or whatever, just focus on making others feel good and comfy and if I start overthinking, just fake it. I feel like I go through waves of being charismatic, then my self-esteem kicks me in the knees, and I falter, trip myself up. The times I am the most charismatic and confident are with people I know I will never see again! It makes sense that people can sense desperation. There is something about a person who doesn't "need" a friend and is just enjoying themself, in their element, that makes people want to be their friend.

No don't focus on making others comfy focus on making yourself comfy with YOU friend. N kind of yea its more a matter of faking out your own mind. I suggest mantras so maybe constantly telling yourself that you're a bad bitch you're ur own best friend and anybody would b blessed to have your friendship. That will help wen everything negative kicks you in the knees 😆. And exactly that last part!!!!!! THIS!

Being in your own element chilling don't need friends embody that energy.

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