Tonight was terrifying and I’m still feeling strong feelings about it.

Tonight in Iowa we were expecting storms. There was a bit of a tornado chance (5% probability) but it wasn’t supposed to get bad. However things escalated to a point I never expected. There was a tornado warning in Malvern, heading straight toward my town (Red Oak) so I got the kids ready, woke my husband up since he was sleeping for work tonight, grabbed the just in case bag I’d packed and headed to the basement. Right before it got to us the storm shifted southeast. I texted my dad to tell him it was heading toward Essex. Suddenly it developed a MASSIVE hook on radar, and was upgraded to a PDS tornado warning. I immediately started crying because that’s terrifying when it’s family you’re worried about. Within minutes it got another upgrade… the highest tornado warning level possible, “Tornado Emergency”. It was speeding toward Essex. I screamed no no no over and over, texted my dad and sister several times just to tell them I love them and to please be okay because I can’t do life without them. It hit Essex about ten minutes later, and I was anxiously watching the radar, sobbing and shaking so bad. The instant it was out of Essex I called my dad. The phone rang three times, and my heart sank each time. But suddenly, I hear my dad’s voice. “Hello”. I burst into tears. With a tornado emergency, I never thought I’d hear their voices again. I just cried and cried. My dad handed the phone over to my sister and I couldn’t think of much else but thank god they are okay. I’ve cried several times since, and I can’t get it out of my head so I can sleep. I thought I was for sure going to lose them. My dad. My sister. My brother in law. My niece. My nephew. Even now the thought of losing them is absolutely unbearable. The thought that it was almost my reality is crushing me. Since having kids I’ve had a crazy fear of storms but tonight elevated that. They have some damage to their car (hail and potentially debris) but aside from downed trees and power lines everything is looking okay. They won’t know the full extent til morning. I’m so so so thankful they are okay. I don’t know if I will ever forget this night. I just… I don’t even know right now. Everything keeps replaying in my head. Ugh.