in October 2024 Babies 🇺🇸

Advice please

Okay so I stay home and take care of a beautiful little baby. My partner goes to work an hour away for twelve hours. When he gets home he showers and eats the food I made him. If he’s not already full from the extensive breakfast/lunch I pack him. If our baby cries at any point after he’s eating I expect him to attend to her. Is that too much to ask for? At least one maybe two hours of not having to be the sole parent. Sometimes he does most times I have to ask. That has turned into him saying that I’m a control freak and always pick her up. He also claim that she only calms down with me when she wants a nap because I ALWAYS pick her up when she cries? Which is my fault? But also wildddd assumption when you see what maybe two, three hours of us max and suddenly I’m always holding her and putting her to sleep. What do I think the problem is you ask? She cries, eventually he picks her up immediately tries putting the binky in her mouth. Oh, that didn’t work? So he grab a bottle does not talk to her sway her try to walk around none of that. Yesterday I finally had enough I mean part of the one/two hours he’s around I would like to rest, of course but you know with a bit a silence is nice so I spoke I started giving him like literal specific instructions and he was just holding her so stiff barely trying to rock her patting her back really fast you could tell he was getting frustrated and overstimulated so what’d I do you ask? Offered a helping hand because at this point the cries are screams and she choking and arching and my heart was breaking to see them both struggle. So I guess I needed to rant but also am I the problem? This is all my point of view but it’s honest. I want to believe that I’m trying my best as a first time mom. But if I am part of the problem I absolutely want to know what I can do to make it easier for to “connect” with him. He said I’m her only connection and comfort person?

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He’s disconnected from what the baby needs and seems to be basing stuff off of old info. Picking the baby up is how you bond with them and show them comfort. My daughter had the same response with my husband he spent more time with her which helped the situation a lot.

He's gone all day from her. Babies change so often. Its hard for him to bond and understand what she needs because he's not around, he's at work. This happened with my husband too. The best thing that helped was I would leave the house or the space they were in for an hour. Give him a chance to play with her and figure out her cries and how to console her. Its hard when someone is constantly looking over your shoulder or correcting you. Take the time to go for a walk or run an errand and take space away from the baby and give him some space to bond alone away from you. Hang in there it's a constant and ever changing work in progress ❤️

I understand what your going through. My husband is a firefighter and works 24 hour shifts, sometimes 48 if he gets mandatory overtime. I know it's a hard thing to do when you're an overstimulated mom dealing with a crying baby all day, trying to make a routine, figuring out all of the baby's quarks and how to respond. It's reasonable for you to want to break yourself. You should also try to see his perspective. He's working all day doing who knows what, dealing with whatever stress he has there, trying to make sure his family has a roof over their head, so he's overstimulated and tired too. Then he comes home and is expected to be in dad mode, which is not unreasonable, and when he tried to help (or does what you ask), he feels like you're micromanaging and is annoyed by it. My husband and I went through the same thing. What worked for us was for me to remove myself from the situation and let him handle it. I had to trust that even if she was crying, she was not in danger because she was with her dad

Dang I didn't know there was a character limit 😂 Like I was saying, she was with her dad who loves her and I just needed to let him figure out his own way to comfort her. Of course your baby wants you instead of him. She's with you all day long! But the bonding is never going to happen with him and you are never going to get a break if you can't remove yourself from the situation and trust that your husband can handle it. I'm assuming this is your first baby. The first ones are the hardest and I can tell you that my oldest cried ALL the time. Literally like 20 hours out of the day she was crying. This went on for about a year and it drove me crazy. I had no choice but to hand my husband the baby and walk away so that I can get some time to myself. I know it sounds really hard to do, especially when your baby is screaming and turning red-faced and all that. But it will get easier in the long run.

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