Ferber method

I wouldn't let my boy cry to self-sooth as babies don't understand this. It's actually proven to be quite damaging to kids.

Do you have any proven evidence? (I’m really just trying to find a solution 😭)

Whatever I've read online, it says that those crying methods not only cause infants and children distress, but they also teach them that their needs will not be met, at least during the periods they are expected to sleep. Babies cry for a reason, even at night. How old is your kid?

He’s just turned 1

It just doesn’t make any sense. Babies cry to get your attention. They need your help to calm down and feel better. Human babies depend on their parents for a long time. Teaching your toddler that they’re on their own at night and you won’t be there is absolutely absurd in my opinion

If you wouldn’t let your baby cry for 10 minutes in the day, don’t let them cry for 10 minutes at night! As hard as it is (my little one doesn’t sleep well but we co-sleep for some sanity).

We don’t ignore our babies needs during the day so I’m not so sure why it’s so socially acceptable at night. I’ve always gone to my boy each and every time he cries and I’d never want him to wake and be unsure whether I’d come for him. In the grand scheme of life sleepless nights are such a small window of time. Adults struggle to regulate their emotions and sleep alone so I’m not sure why we expect it of infants (who are unable to self soothe the part of the brain required isn’t developed for years to come). Meet your babies needs and independence will follow when they’re ready x

@Yasmin my son wakes up every 30 mins… it’s becoming a bit hard to get through the day

My son woke every 40 mins for 6 months and at 18 months still wakes every 1-2 hours and I work full time shift work. Trust me I get it, it’s hard but it’s not forever and ignoring your babies needs isn’t the answer. There’s an excellent Facebook group called the beyond sleep training project. I’d recommend popping your routine etc in there and they can help trouble shoot medical issues/ routine issues to help encourage better sleep without sleep training x

I second the beyond sleep training project it's a really good supportive group! But I would be upset if I was upset and crying and my partner ignored me even as an adult, I wouldn't want to do that to my baby. Have they always woken this much? What does the day look like? Any medical issues?

10 min 😟😟😟😟😟

I don't this anyone would ask this unless they're at wits end, so I get if you want to try the method. We've not had to use this method, but friends who have used a renowned sleep coach, suggest to do 5 minutes, check in with baby, and then another 5 mins etc I'd also suggest speaking to a coach so they can work out a routine for baby in the day. Sometimes if their day time naps (frequency and duration) are not right for them it could be messing up their night time routine and making the crying it out more difficult. Just a suggestion! All the best with it xx

@Sirina thank you for the lovely message. Honestly at breaking point.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I know how awful sleepless nights are. Have you tried cosleeping? We ran into sleepless nights and at some point put LO in our bed and he fell asleep and we were both like “we’re so done not sleeping, so cosleeping it is”

@Katya we do cosleep 😭 it makes no difference he’s still up all night !

I did Ferber and my son started sleeping through 🤷‍♀️ people will have their opinions on sleep training (which they’re entitled to) and the people who want to do sleep training are also entitled to do that too

He will stop crying because he has learnt that you aren’t going to come not because he has learnt to sleep better. I would be looking at other reasons why he is waking. What is the bedtime routine like? Is he waking for feeding in the night? Is he getting enough food in the day? Is he warm enough? Maybe he does need his own space rather than co-sleeping? Do you pick him up every time he cries? If so, once you are putting him down then when he wakes things are different to how he went to sleep so might be struggling with that. Is there light in the room? My girl has a piano playlist she sleeps too while I’m not in bed and then once I’m in bed I turn it off and she is used to complete darkness so self settles back to sleep if she wakes. Some babies do just need extra comfort and they will grow out of it

I wouldn’t do it. We bedshare and it helps with baby’s and our sleep. I’m continuing to breastfeed my 1 yr old on demand at night so that might be a factor as well. He does wake up 2-3 times but because of the breastfeeding the wake ups are calm, quick and not too disruptive to our sleep. Hoping you find a solution that works for you soon. Sleepless nights are hard ❤️‍🩹

Hell no! If my babies are crying then they need me, I don’t care if they are 2 weeks or 20years old. But especially when they’re only way of communicating is crying. God forbid what if something happens in those 10mins you’re ignoring them. It’s a massive no from me I personally feel like it’s emotional abuse

If he is waking every 30 minutes and there is nothing medically wrong, then it is completely understandable you feel the need to resort to this! Many people will disagree but they are not in your shoes. There is currently no actual solid evidence to say the Ferber method is harmful, so it is completely up to you to make that decision and it is okay if you do. People say that babies learn not to wake if they need something but that simply isn’t true, as they will still wake when hungry/cold/teething etc. If it’s the choice you end up making, don’t beat yourself up about it. Sleep deprivation is damaging.

You've replied to my comment but I think deleted it... I promise you I have been there. I've had days I thought I couldn't survive because of how tired I was and baby that wouldn't be put down and screamed every second he was awake. I in no way meant to belittle the hardship because it's fucking rough! But I'm sorry I still wouldn't ignore them if they needed me, what needs to change is your support as well for it to be manageable because it will change at some point and you need support to make it to that point - completely reasonably, because it's haaaaard. There's a reason sleep deprivation is used in torture

I agree on support, no matter what you do there’s only so much you can manage if you don’t have supportive partner and family. We still have rough nights when little one is unwell or teething and I could not do it alone. We alternate with my partner. If you’ve tried everything and you don’t have any support then yes I would turn to sleep training, but not Ferber. There are other methods that take longer but are a little kinder.

Around a year old there’s a lot going on in terms of development, so hopefully it’s just a phase that will improve soon

No it’s not cruel 💓 you are responding to their needs yet allowing some space. Head over to the group gentle sleep solutions if you wish :)