in July 2024 Babies 🇬🇧

A rant, or my reflections on today

I finally snapped today. Not at my baby, at my mum. After 3 years and 4 months of unsolicited parenting advice. Yes, we’re going through a tough time at home. A combination of factors, but nothing that won’t resolve given time. But my mum will not stop banging on about how I need to “fix” the issues (co-sleeping, separation anxiety, my toddler not leaving baby alone). No, I didn’t plan to co-sleep. But it happened and I made peace with that. No, I didn’t plan to be exclusively breastfeeding at 9 months, but it happened, and I made peace with that. No, I didn’t think my toddler would still be so obsessed with his little sister 9 months later, but he is, and I’ve made peace with that. But for whatever reason my mum hasn’t, and she continues to bang on about how I need to leave her to cry (I won’t), stop co-sleeping (it’ll happen when it happens), get her on the bottle and off the boob (I tried a bottle, she won’t take it), spoon feed her puree to fill her up if she won’t take a bottle (we’ve moved away from purées to enable her to feed herself), put some “boundaries” in place for my son (not entirely sure what she’s suggesting here, he absolutely has boundaries and I would say he’s a pretty damn well behaved kid actually, he is just very enthusiastic with his love). So yeah. I yelled at her and told her to give it a rest. I’m not proud of it, but I am so done with being told what I should be doing to “fix” the “problems”. We are fine - yes, I’m tired, yes, things have been a lot, but I am just about coping. What I need is support, not being told I’m doing things wrong because I don’t want to do things the way she thinks I should (but I do appreciate that she lives far away and in her own way she is trying to help by giving advice because she isn’t around to do anything practical to give us a break. So yeah I can’t hate on her forever 🤪) But I’m done worrying about any of it and I’m rolling with the punches. This is my life, this is my family, no they’re not perfect but they’re pretty damn close and I love them all. Even when my son won’t stop trying to lay on top of his sister and my daughter won’t sleep, and my husband for some reason never manages to put anything away or shut the damn cupboard doors 😂 No one said it was gonna be easy, especially without a village, but WE ALL GOT THIS 💪

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I completely relate to this. I think with older generations things like efb with no bottles and co sleeping were less common and that’s why they comment so much. I get the impression that it was normal to let your baby cry a bit more than now. It does irritate me when co sleeping is perceived as some kind of failure when it actually works well for a lot of people. It’s very annoying but I do think these attitudes are very much a generational thing so there’s always going to be some divide! X

It is absolutely a generational thing, they did things a certain way and “it worked for them”, and why wouldn’t the younger generation take the advice of someone who’s been there done that? There are loads of things she’s advised over time that we haven’t wanted to do, and I’ve just bit my tongue and left it. But her nagging advice has been a bit relentless recently as we stayed with her for a couple weeks whilst we were having work done on the house, so longer than our usual once a month (ish) visit. And I’m always teetering on the edge of sleep deprivation, so there’s that. But yeah, I need to chill 😂

To me, the things you mention don't sound like problems. It sounds more like your mum's perception of the situation and what she knows is different than yours. I think you're raising your kids the way you feel is right, and that is the way to go. We co-slept with both our boys, and it's been the right decision for us. I wouldn't change it. Our older boy also has days where he won't leave his little brother alone, and I think that's normal. He doesn't know his own strength and that his little brother is more helpless than him. We just keep encouraging him to be more gentle, and we just have to do that over and over again. They're so little still, and it takes time for them to learn. It's understandable that the constant unsolicited advice is getting to you, so please be kind to yourself. It sounds like you're doing great, and what's best for your family. Hopefully, your mum will understand over time.

@Diana yes! 🙌 that’s exactly it. She has a very specific idea of what’s “right” and she’s incredibly stubborn so won’t listen when I try to explain my reasons for doing what I’m doing. She tried to tell me that I’m “tunnel-visioned” because I have relaxed into co-sleeping and accepted the fact that my daughter won’t take a bottle, but doesn’t seem to understand that I’ve changed and adapted my choices based on what’s working for my family. It was probably inevitable that I would snap at some point to be honest, how many times can I explain that I don’t want to leave her crying to get her to sleep on her own? Ive heard your advice, I get that’s what you did, I know it works for some and that’s up to them but I don’t want to do that and that should be the end of it right? We all make the choices we do and do the best we can. Sure things are tough but I never asked for advice. I know what I’m doing, I don’t need advice.

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