Mom with ptsd

I have ptsd from my upbringing, and now that I am a mother a single one at that it’s hard to deal with every I get paranoid being out with my children and constantly fighting the thoughts of being a bad mom and cps taking my children. I take pills for depression, anxiety, and for lack of focus. I just wish I didn’t need so many pills to function. Has anyone broke free from trauma I feel held back and I feel like it’s not fair for my children that I’m so paranoid I barely go out and being places with a lot of people sends me on the verge of panic attack. I quit smoking cigarettes during my pregnancy and for the first two years of my son’s life but I’m back smoking and I want to quit but it’s like a comfort thing idk. I just wonder if I will ever be normal! Cause I have hair loss a stress belly that just doesn’t go down. I’m a very strong fought women but I’m lowkey scared of everything. Idk I pray to God to help me and he has been doing his thing so I guess I just have to trust the process of healing I pray my healing journey doesn’t affect my children’s upbringing tbh.