Hmm

Ignore my no, my daughter decided to vote for me 🤣 but I do the night feeds but only because I don’t work and he does he asks me to wake him up but I never do, I think it all depends on you and your situation x

Yes he should. Mine did. This is YALL baby. Period. I didn’t vote because I didn’t know if I was answering the first or last question in your paragraph.

@Rhi thank you for answering. Idk what to do, I’m so freaking tired! Like I’m legit crying rn

Working outside the home is not the only work. Matter of fact, working outside the home in my experience has been much easier than staying home with the baby all the time. I don’t think having a full time job excuses you from night feedings if it doesn’t work for your partner. That’s like saying he deserves sleep and you don’t because you work 4 hours less. Like?? What does he think you’re doing at home, relaxing? 🤣

I think if he is working & the sole provider you should be doing the night feeds. I work the same amount as him & I still do night feeds. It’s just part of being a mother in my opinion. also if you knew he wasn’t much help with the first one why have another kid… I work from home & im with a 5 month old all day. I don’t get a break & im fine. I think you need to either communicate with him that you can’t handle it

It sounds like you are absolutely exhausted and past breaking point! Especially with your thyroid - have you been to the doctor to get it managed? Yes, your partner should be helping out too! He should see that you’re struggling and want to help.

Just cause he works doesn’t mean he cant take care of his baby. My fiancé said he will be getting up with ours whenever he is born to feed him if I want/need him to. It’s not abnormal. My brother gets up with his baby to feed him and he’s the only one working as well

@Hokulani you should probably tone it down when you’re talking to someone who literally just said they’re losing their marbles.

Yes a man should help with his child at night even if he works but if you haven’t had a discussion about him helping then he probably doesn’t know to help since you have been doing it by yourself for 9 months. If you have expressed that you need help and he won’t help then he is an a hole.

@Karly have you tried speaking to him about it? Even if you take turns so he does night feeds one night then you next night etc x

@Alina I’m giving honest advice losing your marbles could literally mean anything. Don’t ask for advice if you don’t want the honest truth, if you can’t take the heat that’s on you lol. some ppl are just not meant to be mothers or just can’t handle the physical & mental drain it takes on someone it’s obviously not meant for the weak minded ppl & that’s okay.

I think you should sit down together and find out how he can help you. Maybe when he wake up one hour earlier in a morning and can take care of your kiddos and you. He might find even more ways to help you. You definitely need some help with your babies.

@Hokulani I think your reply is very unhelpful and come across as perpetuating the societal bull** double standards. This woman is tired and is wanting her husband to chip in abit more. Almost like telling her to shut up and deal it because she is the mum. Everyone is different in what they can deal with. And also having 2 under 2 that's incredibly difficult and specially if you feel you are doing all the parenting alone. I'd say to the OP to have a dialogue with your husband, tell him how you are feeling and ask for help from him and come up with a plan together to work as a team.

I think it’s time to tell him you need help. Surely he can do 3 nights a week or weekend duty so you can get some extra rest. Just talk to him sooner than later. Hope it works out.

Considering the nature of my husband's work, for our family it's a no. If he had a different job that didn't involve being responsible for people's lives or working 12hr shifts, then I'd fully expect him to get up at least once.

@Hokulani your baby is only 5 months old and you’ve already decided that struggling means you’re not meant to be a mother… I hope those words don’t come to bite you in the tail one day!

@Maggie not unhelpful she asks if she is being irrational so I said yes very.. what does she think single mothers do? I am 5 months postpartum with PPD & PPA I get up everyday & take care of my baby & family no matter what is going on. & yeah being a mother is making sacrifices like sleep.. we are all tired we are MOTHERS. If he is the one working & paying the bills you can’t expect him to do that & also do everything else things need to be split equally. This should’ve been a conversation before even having kids 🤷🏽‍♀️.regardless when he is at work you’re gonna have to do it alone til he gets home, I think a lot of woman play victim on here.

Yes, he should. It doesn’t necessarily need to be a 50/50 split on who gets up. But it definitely should be a shared responsibility.

@Alina I’ve struggled since pregnancy.. nobody has ever said motherhood was easy.. everybody struggles there are phases in kids you’re gonna struggle with. I think a lot of woman play victim on here blaming their partners or other ppl & that’s not right take accountability. I suffer from ppd/PPA & I struggle everyday so yes I know a struggle I’ve had ppd since my 2nd week of having her. If you can’t handle it go get the appropriate help. The fact that ppl are getting offended by honesty is just crazy

@Hokulani so don’t say you’re fine 🙂

@Alina I am bc I take medicine & go to therapy abt it I don’t complain on an app abt it I go do it. You guys are all just soft ass ppl & have been spoon fed your whole life like pity me pity me. Being a mom is having to be fine no matter what circumstances obviously none of y’all get it 🤣 bye im done with y’all

@Hokulani understand you're speaking from your own experience, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with PPD and PPA that’s incredibly tough. But I don’t think it’s fair to invalidate another mum’s experience just because hers looks different. She asked if she was being irrational for feeling tired and wanting more support at night. That’s a valid feeling. Parenting is meant to be a shared responsibility when both parents are around. Yes, her husband works full-time, but that doesn’t mean all childcareincluding night feeds should automatically fall on her just because she works fewer hours. Being a provider doesn’t cancel out being a parent. We can’t keep glorifying exhaustion and framing it as a badge of honour. Yes, sacrifices come with motherhood, but they shouldn’t come solely at the mother’s expense. It’s not about playing victimit’s about striving for balance and healthier family dynamics. It’s okay for women to say, “I need help.” That doesn’t make them weak. It makes them human.

@Hokulani those things are part of being a PARENT not just part of being a mother. Just because you're okay with your husband not being a full time parent, doesn't mean everyone should.

Motherhood IS sacrifice. But so is fatherhood. How many times a night does your baby get up? Could you talk to him about possibly doing one of the night feeds? You are not irrational for feeling tired and needing help. We were never meant to do this alone.

@Cheyann my husband is a blue collar worker that busts his ass off everyday to make sure our little girl gets everything she needs & wants. Y’all obviously didn’t have conversations before having kids & it shows

My husband works 12 hour shifts so he didn't help with night feedings on the days he had to work, but he would get up and change our son while I went to the bathroom. We plan to do the same when we have our twins in June.

My boyfriend hasn't helped with night feedings with either of our boys. I breastfeed I have had milk and asked him to do nights before but it just isn't something that worked for us, it sucked and I was exhausted/still am but he helps in other ways

I think they should help at weekends but if they're working during the week/up early then I don't think so no

@Hokulani we’re so glad your husband works a full time blue collar job busting his ass so you have time to sit on here and be a bitch to everyone. Misery loves company. next time just say you’re miserable and have nothing better to be doing than arguing with moms on the internet seeking advice. Some woman aren’t meant to be mothers but some woman also aren’t meant to give unsolicited advice when they’re 23 and haven’t been a mother for long. Next time sit out because your opinion is invalid as fuck. Your mother didn’t teach you if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all? Cuz sis you just put way too much negative energy into this. Like really who hurt you? I lowkey think you’re sleep deprived yourself and just running your cock sucker. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I didn’t get the chance to read what the Hokulani person said. But I appreciate everyone who’s in the comments supporting me. I definitely do feel like I’m alone. I don’t have outside support, my second child was an ooppsy as I struggled with fertility the first time. My children are my blessings in life, I’m just really having a hard time right now. I’ve been getting like 2 hours of sleep a night. I have told my hubby I needed more of his help. And in his mind when I’m gone to work doing the supper dishes ( their plates they ate off of) and throwing in laundry is his version of help. I’m extremely overwhelmed at the moment. I’m assuming that person basically tried to tell me to suck it up, which yeah… I’ve been trying to. But I’m also not sure what standards to have at this point. I don’t want to be unfair to my partner but at the same time I’m desperate for sleep.

If you can’t stand the heat don’t fuckn block the people you’re running your cock sucker about @Hokulani what a twit.

THATS SO FUNNY!!!!!

Your question at the start and end differ? - the first question is should a man get up in the night but the last asks if you are irrational to expect it. I clicked no in answer to the last question (I.e. you are not irrational, I definitely agree he should also take part in parenting and do some of the nights, especially as you are also working)

Right like who says they have the balls to call people out and then block the person theyre saying the shit too. Talk about a coward.

@Ella thank you. I was a little distraught when I wrote the post LOL I’m feeling better now as the day goes on. —— I can’t believe that chick blocked me. Like why?

@SiSi 😂😂😂 I don't have it in me to say it this way to this woman. But you tell her. Her unsolicited advise and the "ooh my life is so perfect, but while at the same time low-key saying she is struggling. Like come on life is hard a bit of compassion and empathy goes a long way. She clearly missed the point of this App if she is asking people not to ask for advise

@SiSi exactly! But kudos to her. A round of applause for that woman. She’s mother of the year apparently. Better than me. 👏

Honestly she’s probably miserable because her husband doesn’t do shit either. The post obviously triggered her lol. Some people truly are just having a bad day and will take it out on who ever whenever. And having PPD and putting another mom down is wild. But she also talked herself and her husband up the entire time. So she’s a very conceited individual. She obviously is struggling but that does NOT excuse her behavior.

I think it’s important for the man to sleep if he’s working long hours and weeks. However I think it’s fair to have him wake up with the baby on the nights that he doesn’t have work the next day so that you can get rest as well. I also work a job where I only work 4-5 hour shifts 4 days a week and before I was pregnant again my husband and I did this.

@Hokulani and? My husband works his ass off too, he works 12 hour shifts at a blue collar job and still comes home and helps me take care of our kid because he's a PARENT. We definitely did have conversations before having kids, but our conversations must have been way different than y'all's considering my husband actually takes care of his kid(s) and wife. Your kid is only 5 months? You're eventually going to get tired of having to do everything, please remember all the shit you said on this thread and get over yourself when you do 😊👍🏻

OP to answer your real question sorry for blowing up before hand. I have 5 children. The first 3 I done completely by myself and it led to alot of resentment. My last 2 he nearly voluntarily cared for them for every night feeding (sometimes I’d wake to keep him company just because I know that lonely) he insisted and it really made our relationship stronger and he bonded with the children so well. He understood that the night feedings were precious time and you get to be babies full comfort. He liked having that connection. Those boys are now 2 and 3 and LOVE everything Dad but are still mamas boys. I truly believe it takes both. And him missing sleep is literally not going to kill him however you taking on alll of the sleep deprivation will take a huge toll on you and your relationship.

Did the woman say anything more as I can’t see 🤣

@SiSi thank you and yes I’m feeling very resentful to him right now Or 9 month old is in a crib in our room and I nearly want to sleep on the couch tonight to MAKE him deal with it I’m probably not going to do that but I so badly want to.

@Karly she hasn’t said anything else x

@Cheyann thank you I’m glad your husband helps! That’s a gift! My man isn’t all that bad , just is terrible at getting up in the morning other than for work LOL

Side note have you tried weaning baby off night feedings? We kept watering down the milk until it was just water and eventually my daughter decided it wasn’t anything to wake up for 🤣

@Rhi thank you haha! I suppose if she blocked me she won’t be able to come back here?

ALSO it’s totally fine to tell me that the man should sleep. I can handle it 🤣but telling me i might not be cut out to be a mother is hurtful LOL

@Alina I had her off her night feedings last month but then she got sick needed antibiotics and ever since it’s Been Hell!

Any tips on how to move past my resentment ?