Anxiety

If that happened years ago either he needs to work through it with you or you both move on separately. You are now completely isolated-- this is unhealthy. It sounds like he's using a mistake to manipulate you and had no intention to work on your marriage. It's okay to make a mistake and fix it. It also would have been okay for him to break it off when it happened. It is NOT okay to stay for years punishing you over and over, not to mention he's contacting his ex as well.

Who can you reach out to so you can start building a support system again?

I’m so sorry girl:( I think putting the entire blame on yourself is a little harsh. I agree with the other comment that said it sounds like he’s isolating and manipulating you. Is individual therapy a possibility for you? That’s helped me so much (i’m in a similar situation and couples therapy didn’t help us at all either). I’m here if you need someone to talk to🫶🏻

@Menna 💡 we tried to work thru it but he brings it back up cuz it stays in his head && it’s something he can’t shake. It’s harder for me to have to think about breaking it to my 10 year old than it is for me to be done. She has a bond w him && had one before we were even dating

Is it possible you can see if he still will continue to have a relationship with her even if you break up? It's not her fault if you don't work out and if he truly loves your daughter he will keep her in his life. Also, you say you reached out to an ex? Define this. Like you met up, cheated, just chatted? How did he find out. Not saying it's OK but to cut off everyone in your life and still he can't forgive and move forward years later, this sounds like a severe punishment if it wasn't actually cheating. Idk, but you can't suffer forever for a mistake you are regretful of and trying to amend.

@Jen I feel like he would keep a relationship w her I just don’t want her to be upset cuz of this. && I never met up w anyone or had intentions to. Me & the ex stayed friends before me & my husband were even dating. I had messaged him just a checkin to see how he was && his boys & my husband freaked. In his mind, speaking to someone outside of the marriage even a conversation that it was is cheating.

@Julianna I tried individual therapy when I had insurance & it didn’t really help

Wow thanks for the context. That sounds super controlling. My fiance has occasionally had cordial conversations with one of his exes and it never really bothered me. She would be the one to check in, I think because they both have girls who sort of grew up together. I trust him 1000% and know he would never cheat. One of my exes reached out to me early in our relationship and I told my fiance. His intentions were not innocent though lol. It's all about context. And being honest. Like I would not go out of my way to reach out to an ex in my current relationship, but I don't see a reason to. I guess I can see why he would wonder what your reason was but if you were just friends for a while before you met ur husband, then he should have known this. If he didn't because you were afraid to tell him you have to ask yourself why. Was it because you had bad intentions...or, was it because he is controlling. Like why did you cut most of your other friends and family off? Is he controlling? That's the real question.

I cut everyone off cuz of our relationship. Like females I’ve known && kept up with since elementary school he didn’t want me talking too. Like we have each others location so he knows where I’m at at all times. I stayed over once at work ( cuz I was with a customer finishing a sale) && he pulled up at my job accusing me of cheating swearing I was in the parking lot meeting up w someone.

You're alone because be wants you to be helpless, it has nothing to do with making up for anything you've done. It's not healthy to show up at your work. The next step of a controlling man besides controlling your finances and controlling your location and relationships is violence

Yeah the more context we are getting here the more it is clear your husband is controlling and likely the type to always blame you for things wrong in the relationship. He makes mountains out of molehills and will use any little mistake you make as a reason to punish you. I would take this as your out and let him leave. And I hope you can stop blaming yourself at some point here too.

Do you have access to your legal documents and your kids' legal documents like social security cards, birth certificates, passports?

@Menna 💡 yes I have access to all of that. Like everything is on my name.

Please quietly hide your documents. Maybe you'll never need to worry about this but it is common for abusive partners to take legal documents to make it hard to leave. This way you have the option if you ever need it and if you don't need it, there's no harm

Please reach out to women you can trust, or start attending a local religious service (church, mosque, whatever) or community center. You need a support network, it's not healthy to be without one

The research shows that abusive men do not get better with time, they take more and more of your life. Notice how now you have NO ONE to talk to except ladies on Peanut. That didn't happen all at once and it didn't happen by accident

You need support and you need to explore options to get out. Feel free to message me if you want more ideas on this. Love can't exist without respect and care. This is not love, this is control

How long have the 2 of you been together? When I first read someone posting that he was being controlling and manipulative I thought it was jumping the gun to make that toe of assumption from what u posted bcz you clearly said that YOU stopped talking to certain ppl from ur past. But yeah….!!! With u giving more context I agree he sounds controlling and like he wants you isolated. This behavior of his needs to be nipped in the bud immediately. Take it from me, noticing t red flags early in the relationship does nothing of you jest let them fly. Bcz later on when you’ve got a mess on ur hands but you actually could have seen it coming… can be infuriating

Anytime a partner isolates you it is about control.