I AM PISSED!!

Context: • I live about 180miles from my mum, she has only visited me once (which was last week for a baby shower) since I moved here 4yrs ago. • My neices (barely functional) dad, I have zero relationship with. • I am due end of May. — My mum called me to say hi, check in on me because when she called earlier this week i told her I had a cold. Whilst on the phone earlier this week, she asked if I can come in July with my husbands family to have a BBQ (they said during my baby shower that a get together is needed after i have the baby) so I told her until I have the baby I am not making plans. During the call today, she then asks me AGAIN can I come see her soon for this bbq. Again I re-iterate, until I have this baby I am not going long distance or making plans. So then she says “so it’s just the first two weeks you dont want visitors, but that doesn’t matter if I want to come I will come” now the only reason I dont want visitors is cos my husband isn’t entitled to paternity leave so anytime he has off i want to be focused on our bubble. I re-iterate this and tell her please do not just turn up without letting me know. She then goes to the toilet and says “The girls dad wants to say hi” so sure i’ll say hi, i’m not against it. He then has the AUDACITY to start jumping down my throat with “why are you acting like you are the first person to have a baby? you’re not the saviour, acting like you can’t do anything because you are having a baby. people are going to come and see you but you are acting like you are special” Before I hung up, I went OFF ON ONE because I am NOT going to let someone who doesn’t know me, someone who can’t go a day without a smoke and a drink, someone who cannot keep promises to his kids attack me like he knows anything about my life just because I know how to set my post labour boundaries. My mum knows that once my husband goes back to work, I want her to come and stay for a bit but now she is making it sound like she has no intention of coming because if she can get out of it by everyone to come to her for this stupid bbq then she doesn’t have to make the effort to visit her daughter and grandchild - if that is the case, I will not be going to see her. I am shaking with anger!