I'm with you both @Cherese and @Incognito. It does seem like we have to sacrifice so much to be a loving step-parent, least the type we want to be.
My husband adopted three kids and they're now my step kids one lives with us and wants nothing to do with mom and the other two are 50/50 and now we have three of our own a set of one year twins and I'm 6 months pregnant. The ex is very jealous mad whatever because of our bio kids and wants me out of the picture and doesn't want me as a parent or care about my opinion but wants me to pick up and drop off and do appt all the hard stuff but stay in my lane when it comes to decision making. I don't know why he adopted them the marriage was falling apart and he thought it would fix something!
I truly know how you feel!!!! I feel like being a step parent you have so sacrifice so much more.... I dont have to drive 5 hours but we have my step daughter week to week and I have to get up at 4am to get her to school on time an hour away with my 5 month old do drive back home to 5 hours later do the same thing over. It is exhausting and I hate my baby being in the car so long as well.... no there talking about extra curricular and im honestly gonna leave that to her parents because I can't do more than what I already am.... it hard because it not something we can just take a break from... my heart goes out to u