Baby No. 2 advice

Hi, I hear you and I am an only child as well and I know the feeling all too well. If your husband doesn’t help with your first child, he’s not likely to help with a second and could really do 2 without support from your husband and no family near by? Choice is yours at the end of the day, but I think you need to speak to your husband about sharing parenting responsibilities more fairly

@Gemma thank you for your reply. Oh wow I rarely meet someone else who is an only child. He was great when our son was first born he did everything but when he was about 2 months old things changed. Things have been tough for me at times often feeling like a single mum but I'm so proud of myself for what I have done on my own and I think I am more than capable of having a second child but yeah things won't change regarding my partner helping he says to me "as long as your a stay at home mum and I'm out there working and paying for everything you look after the home and our son". That's how he sees things

You’re doing an amazing job and you sound like you’ve got this. I think you two need to sit and talk, and look at everything as whole. And ask him why is he buying the condoms etc does he want a second child? If not now, he would be ready in a year or two etc

@Gemma thank you so much. Yes we do though he is not the easiest person to talk to but your right we do need to talk about it all. Yeah exactly he literally said the day before the condom situation to our son do you want a brother or sister ok mummy and daddy will start trying in the next month or so. He's always changing his mind though never knows what he wants. Yeah exactly all I'm worried about is time is against me as I'm 37 next January. Thank you so much for your advice it means a lot

Just because you are a stay at home mum doesn’t mean you should have to do absolutely everything for your child. You have a full time job, you’re just not getting paid for it. It should still be a shared responsibility when your partner is at home. I work 4 days a week, and I can tell you that the days I work are way more chilled than the days I am at home with my little one! Has your partner ever thought about how much money you’re saving by not putting your kid in nursery? With regard to having another child, I think you need to try and get on the same page with him, however difficult it is to have that conversation. Explain to him that his behaviour is confusing you and that you’d like to make sure you are both heading down the same path. Good luck!

@Hannah I know it's so true it should be shared but unfortunately my partner doesn't see it that way. All he thinks is I've got it easy because I'm at home. Exactly my partner says his job is easy and he doesn't even work everyday but he has to travel to work an hour and 20 minutes each time and stay away at times. I said to him I've saved us money by looking after our son and he agrees that I have but he just wants me to be earning money as we have been struggling at times, can't go out for days out and buy things we want etc. Yes I will talk to him it's something I need to know so I've got to ask him. Thank you so much x

Hi mama, I’m also 36 and also 37 in Jan. My newborn is 5 weeks old and toddler will be 2.5 end of this month. I also use to ask my husband when we can try again as I’m getting older, we didn’t plan the newborn though, it just happened. As the other ladies have said, you need to have a chat with your partner for more clarity. One advice I can give you coming from a newborn/toddler mum with friends in the same position, you really will need your partner to be 100% involved with the toddler whilst you look after the newborn. The first few weeks are so so so exhausting. My toddler knows that mama is busy with the baby and seeks attention from dada. The lack of attention causes worse tantrums. It’s really hard and will be harder without support. My husband worked abroad up until a month before baby was due and I begged for him to return because I knew it would be too hard looking after 2 little ones. You shouldn’t have to do everything by yourself, it takes two to make babies x

@Priscilla Hi Priscilla thank you so much for your reply. Oh wow so nice to speak to someone who is the same age 😊 That's lovely you have two little ones now. My partner and I did speak the other day and he said to me yes we will start trying for another baby soon. But you are so right and you know it because you are going through it, you do need your partner to be 100% involved and supportive. And to be honest I just don't feel like I'm getting that right now my partner literally doesn't want to do anything with our son and me all he wants to do is lay on the sofa and be on his phone everyday that he's home from work. So right now I'm feeling so sad that I feel like I may have to forget my dreams of having another child because I feel I have no love, care or support from my partner to have another one 😔 I'm going through a tough time with my toddler at the moment having tantrums and I feel it's because his dad does nothing with him and I'm doing everything for both of them.

@Priscilla yeah it does sound really hard with two with what you have said. I'm trying to keep it together at the moment and I just have one because of the lack of support. Oh wow that must have been so difficult for you that your husband was working abroad. I hope he is around now for you all. I find it hard when my partner works and stays away. I know I shouldn't have to do everything myself it does take two to make babies but my partner just sees it as I'm not working so I should be the one to do everything for our son and our home. It's sad really that he treats me this way. Thank you so much for your advice I appreciate it x