What now 🥴

My husband was drinking last night. We've already talked about and agreed that he would cut back because he starts talking about offing himself. He occasionally will go past his limits, binging. Last night was a bad night. His brother and our neighbor came over and I assume they indulged. Sometimes I don't think he believes the things he says when I tell him the next morning. I recorded more than 30 minutes of his rambling. My husband started talking about ending himself, the neighbors, and he even threatened me. I stayed calm, not wanting to provoke him. I keep one gun in my car, and the other was in the house, I stuffed it under my pillow when he stepped out the room. Lame I know, but I didn't know how long he'd be and was trying to appear unbothered. I finally convince him to shower (he refused to eat) I send him a minute out of 30 this morning. He called me, apologizing, obviously embarrassed and in shock. Sober, he's confident, funny, laid back. As a drunk, very insecure and obnoxious. He's always stated I was out of his league but when he's drunk, it's like amplified in his mind. Idk I want him to stop drinking. I want him to get help whether that's AA or a therapist, I want him to attend church with me. As much as raising our children in a 2 parent household is important to me, I refuse to raise a family in a DV house. I want to say he's never laid a hand on me. But one drunk threat did something to me. I was truly scared of him last night.

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I would say set clear boundaries with him when he is sober and get him to understand them, agree with them and commit to them. Make sure he knows you were scared. If he breaks them you leave. And you commit to yourself to leave if he oversteps. That’s the only way he will take it seriously or change. I’m sorry you’re in this position it’s really awful xx

I’m not much help. My bf is struggling with drinking and while he’s never threatened me or anything violent in general. He does get in his head and work up stories to the point he’ll leave for the night and say things like he’ll get his stuff the next day or have a good life like it’s over, but never actually say it is. I don’t like it.

He needs psychological help. Just because he doesn't act like that sober doesn't mean he doesn't think like that all the time. He needs to get professional help or you need to leave....

@Jenny I appreciate the advice. Thank you 🫶

@Ashley he even questioned if our baby is his. I'm like what in the actual fuck 🙄

I’ve been here, several times. It’s so easy for an outsider to say leave him, move on, but it’s not that simple when you’re in the situation. I’m still with my other half and he has, thankfully come off the booze, the majority of the time… used to be every night. He still has an occasional blow out. I’ve told him though if he ever does it ever again in front of my little one then that’s it, it’s an ultimatum I know but he’s only gotten hammered once in front of my boy when he was only a few weeks old. Not again since but he has at his mums. Sadly with booze it has to come from the person wanting to stop. They won’t if someone else begs them to, in my experience anyway. The recording thing is a good idea, if it happens again I’d do that again, and have a very serious conversation with him when he’s sober showing him the recording and telling him how it makes you feel. His MH is NOT your responsibility and it took me a while to realise that. Don’t let him make you feel like you’re

The reason he’d ever hurt himself “well you were out of my league anyway” it’s his issue and his lack of confidence which is not yours to fix. I’m sure you’ve tried endlessly. I’d say it’s no longer about him and you but it’s about your kid(s) now and they have to come first - I’m sure sober him wouldn’t want his kids brought up in a toxic household either. Ids so difficult but you’ll look back on this one day and know you made the right decision x

@Emily the binging doesn't happen alot but ive never actually feared him and being a mom has changed me. It's doesn't just affect me or him, there's kids involved. I told him I want him to listen to the whole video. I think he's ashamed to but I believe it's the only way for him to understand where I'm coming from. Sometimes I think he thinks I'm trying to control him when that's not the case. If he could handle it, it wouldn't bother me. I understand people drink or smoke to unwind but the shit he pulled last night. Not cool. Thank you for your perspective. It's very helpful to hear experience. Or read about it 😅

It’s so difficult I honestly feel you, hopefully he will listen to it, if he doesn’t want to then he clearly feels guilty about it! Exactly that, it’s involving kids now and it’s not fair on them , sending lots of love and best wishes x