Confused?

Long post. I’m not really sure what to do next.. recently my husband expressed how he wasn’t ready for marriage nor becoming a dad (even though we have a 2 year old 🥴). And he said he pretty much was only thinking about himself in terms of like getting married because it would make him look good and feel needed, like a savior. With having a kid he said he was thinking more of his extended family and all the get togethers as being fun but not really thinking about being a father; parenting a child and raising them (his mom was a “singled married mom” that did everything). He admits the person he showed me in the beginning was not his true self and he liked the things he did, did the things he did, because he didn’t want to lose access to me. Anyways for the past 4 years, the last 2 years of us being married with a child (we were engaged when I got pregnant then got married before baby was born), he’s been constantly demanding for me to submit to him because that’s what the Bible says and it’d make our lives easier. Funnily enough our entire relationship has been me sacrificing my career goals, relationships with my family, my literal physical safety. But I don’t want this to turn into “I’ve sacrifice more than you!” kinda thing. I’m just tired, really. Tired of giving someone literally all of me only to be recently told he wasn’t really thinking of anyone but himself in the entirety of our relationship. He says he wants to be a Godly man but the closer he gets to Jesus, the more selfish he’s become in our relationship. Idk if it’s the sect he’s choosing, it’s definitely along the lines of the kind his father follows (evangelical, fundamental). I literally scrape the bottom of the barrel for alone time. Even just to take a nice thorough shower (he gets to take 2 showers a day). I never have time to practice my hobbies or develop them. I feel embarrassed that I chose him to build a family with honestly more than anything. I’m trying to have hope but really looking back on our relationship, the 2 years we were childless vs these past 2 years with child.. not a lot has changed in terms of relationship dynamics.

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I'm sure you know, a man's role is to love his wife like Christ loves the church. That means to lead but also to cherish and serve. Ephesians 5:28. Present him with this verse and see what he has to say. Maybe some Christian marriage counselling would help you to clarify what you both expect of each other and work out how your marriage is going to work. If you're in the UK I might be able to recommend something.

@Amy He actually brings up these verses to me often. And we talk about how a good leader is someone who puts everyone else’s “needs” above their own. A good tribal chief or king/queen is able to look holistically at their community and assess what needs to be done. My husband said previously how it’s hard for him to do that, be a man with so much responsibility. And basically I’m like “well you could’ve said that instead of being deceitful 😅”

@Amy I think conceptually he understands he wants to be a husband and father in God. He knows that it takes laying down his life (in a literal physical sense and an existential emotional/mental sense). He just has a hard time connecting the actions with the words and thoughts. And to me, that’s an issue. Not being true to one’s words. And the thought “if he wanted to, he would” pops up and makes me think maybe I’m just not the woman he wants to do that for really. Idk we’re just getting to the roots of our relationship and we see there wasn’t really a strong foundation so we’re having to dig and build from the ground up again and it’s heavy stuff.