AITAH?

My brother forgot my son’s birthday. He doesn’t make any effort with my son. Doesn’t buy birthday or Christmas presents or make time to see him. I’ve never made an issue out of it but he had a son 6 month ago and I started making a lot of effort as I was excited to have a new nephew, I pulled back when I saw he still wasn’t making much effort with my children (I have two). It was my son’s birthday on Monday which he forgot, I confronted him about it which he then blamed me for as in his words ‘I didn’t remind him’. Am I the asshole for calling him out in this?

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I don't even remember my sister's birthday most years. 😅 thank God for Facebook..

No although you need to make it clear to him its not just the fact he forgets his birthday and more the lack of effort all year round

Mmm you probably need to let him know that it’s important to you that he puts effort in for this. It’s not an unrealistic expectation but it also doesn’t come naturally for everyone. My brothers absolutely wouldn’t remember my babies birthday and I highly doubt they’d even remember mine without Facebook. I don’t care at all and don’t need or expect anything but I have friends/other family that really value all family being involved in birthdays ect I go above and beyond for the family that have made it clear it is important to them and on the flip side I have other family members that don’t even hear from me or I don’t hear from them either on birthdays and no one is upset or offended! ☺️ Communication of needs is always better than assuming. Not everyone values the same things! ☺️

This is normal. Have him set calendar reminders in his phone with 1 or 2 week alarms so he can "remember" these important dates.

@Emily I second your thoughts about not everyone valuing the same things. I'm thinking in terms of love languages.. some people are all about giving gifts (not sure what the name of this love language is 🤔) But others may value acts of service or quality time.

My sib is kind of like this. I say try telling him that it's important to you that your son has a meaningful relationship with his uncle, whether that's quality time or a gift with a story behind it that he can point to in coming years and associate with your brother. But honestly, after a few conversations like this, there's only so much you can do. You can invite people to have a relationship, but they have to meet you (or your child). And try not to attach it too much to your nephew. I know by experience that it's hurtful that your brother isn't showing up for you and your son, but your relationship with your nephew is your own. Even if your brother is a bit insensitive about your son, ask yourself if you're only doing this for your brother or to build a lifelong relationship with your nephew.