Marrying an immigrant ?

I just want opinions and to maybe feel better about my potential decision. Me and my boyfriend have a baby together, I am a Canadian citizen and he came here from Nigeria a year ago. His VISA expires in 2026 and he would then be deported back to Nigeria, and I would never see him again. I love him very much and we started a family quickly (we started dating in November and got pregnant by December) which I know was naive of us. But he’s a completely active father and We have no desire to ever split. We have some minor issues as not every relationship is perfect, but we always stick it through and learn from eachother. I’ve been pushing him to hire an immigration lawyer for so long. He finally met with one today, and as expected, the only way he is allowed to stay in Canada is if we get married. This has already been on the back of our minds but he doesn’t talk about it because he doesn’t want to pressure me. We both agree that we didn’t want to get married for this reason only, but because we love each other and have started a family together. He gets along with my family and they have welcomed him with love. MOST IMPORTANTLY my daughter (from a previous relationship) loves him and is safe with him. She is happy and thriving. Her dad is not in her life, and my boyfriend is like a father figure to her and respects us both so much. I told him the other week that I would be willing to marry him because not only do we love him, but I don’t want him to leave. Today he told me if this is our plan, we would have to do it soon, like within a few months. I actually thought we had more time to plan and decide this (before 2026) but his lawyer advised that we start the process asap. This is where I start to feel like the whole marriage part won’t feel as real or meet my expectations. It’s not what I’ve always dreamed of having (A fancy wedding, an authentic proposal, some time to plan and save up money) but now I’m feeling rushed (not by him) but the thought of getting married before next year makes me feel like I’m giving up something huge and settling for a smaller wedding due to funds, while knowing the true reason for why it’s happening so quickly. At the same time, I’ve always wanted my own family. I love that lifestyle and I currently live it. I had my daughter at 17, and now I’m in this loving family that I know will last. plus we have a newborn baby, im 20 years old. I am young but I feel ready for all of this at the same time. It’s just the timeline of getting married that puts me off a bit. I feel I’ve made up my mind but still need to process and think about this and how supportive my family would be. What are your thoughts?

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That’s not the only way for him to stay. He is pressuring you by having you think that’s the only option. It sounds like marriage is the cheapest and quickest way for him to obtain citizenship and by doing so he’ll ultimately not stay once he’s gotten what he wants. That’s a lot of change for your oldest child in less than a year. This is also fraud. Do you have family? Friends? You need to talk to someone please . You feel uncertain about it for a reason! Trust it

@Nichelle what are other ways for him to stay? Money wouldn’t be an issue, I genuinely think that he believes marriage or common law is the only way.

@Nichelle + I honestly don’t feel comfortable talking about this to people I’m close with, which I know may be a red flag on its own. I don’t want to feel judged. I just have him to explain my concerns and that’s why I’ve made an anonymous post for strangers opinion

Don’t trust strangers on peanut over whatever you share with this person. There are fraudsters in all nationalities and people feeling everything relating to immigration is fraud has deprived lots of potential happy families from being together. I am Nigerian and one thing I know about my people especially the men is that they adore their families, they cater for their wives needs and most importantly the majority value the concept of family and stick through as the culture discourages divorce except on very reasonable grounds. If you love him, he loves you and he is a good father to your child then follow your heart but if you have any doubts about his sincerity or how you both feel about each other then you can let go of the relationship. Just try making whatever you feel deep down your priority and not what a bunch of strangers feel about your personal life .

I don’t know much about immigration process, but I have family and friends that went through the same. I think marriage is the easier option because you can get the citizenship faster and not wait years to get it. But again I’m not 💯 sure. You can get a second opinion from another lawyer and see what they say. Also, if you guys get married and he gets approved he might have to go back to his country just for a couple of weeks and can come back without any issues. But if he applies and you guys are not married he might have to go back to his country and wait much longer sometimes it takes years while he’s in the process of it.

@Ginger thank you so much you are right. I thought some unbiased insight would help me feel better, and to hear something positive about it like maybe a personal experience. I love that he values family, especially the one he’s created with me

Nigerian men just value loyalty ( knowing that you have their back and that they can trust you and vice versa ) and they would kiss the floor you walk on . That’s a secret I just gave out 😂 . Just trust your instincts, if it says run , you run . If it says stay and give love a chance without fear then go for it . Life is too short x

That’s understandable but honestly you probably will be judged by some but those that truly love you will still support you and love you without judgement.

You’re in Canada right? The process is fairly easy unless there’s other circumstances that would prevent it but ultimately marrying him will not give him citizenship. He’ll still have to apply and qualify regardless of marriage BUT you’ll have to be his sponsor and that’s another expense as well as you have to be able to financially support him on your own without government assistance. Alternatively you can consult an attorney on your own and go over it to be sure. I know you said you didn’t want to talk to anyone you know but they won’t judge you either and would be more knowledgeable on the actual process

Just follow your gut , I know this is a tough decision especially at such a young age but you know him better than anyone. If it feels right go for it , if it doesn’t run. There are both successful and failed marriages relating to immigration so we can’t really conclude on how things will turn out . I really hope things work out for you two. But even if it doesn’t work out in the end at least your child still gets to have his father involved in his life rather than not seeing him again. All the best x