am I just being rude or not?

Okay so I have absolutely no one to speak to this about but I just want to know if I am being rude or if it’s justified…growing up my dad and I were close up until middle school when he got together with this lady (let’s call her Karen ) that I did not like mind you my dad had had many girlfriends before her and I have always been okay with that i used to try and make hang outs with them and all but when Karen and him began to date he changed by a lot he began to smoke and drink way more often so him and I grew apart. He began to make excuses as to why him and I couldn’t go out and if we did and I asked if we could go somewhere he would say “no Karen doesn’t want to go there” every time so eventually I stopped going out with them. Part of the way my dad changed was that every time I would try to tell him something that he was doing wasn’t okay or was something I didn’t agree with he would get mad and immediately begin scolding me telling me “you’re not going to tell me what to do, nor you nor my mom will tell me what to do.” This has been his phrase since then he still tells me this till this day and I am 22 now. Even when I told him I was sad with the way he changed he screamed at me and told me the same thing nothing else. Did not ask me why I felt that way or try to suggest for us to hang out more or to talk it out. Just that I am nobody to tell him what to do. So eventually I did give up on trying to continue my bond with him and I cut contact for a little. I would only see him on weekends. Recently I had my baby (picture of him (: ) when I had my baby my dad began to come around a bit more and I was happy with that, my baby and him now get along really well. However though my dad separated from Karen a coupe years ago but has not stopped going out to drink and he now is a “pimp” like actually he has a different partner every other week. I ignore it because it’s none of my business. I have had a few times where I’ve asked him to not take pictures of my baby just to send to strangers i don’t know and he gets upset and tells me the usual “you’re not going to tell me what to do. Nor you nor my mother will tell me what to do”….now here is where my question takes place (I know this is long I’m sorry) recently i was on the phone with him and before I was about to hang up I gasped and said “JJ!!” Because my baby had taken a small step forward while crawling and I was surprised! And my dad yelled at me through the phone and told me not to yell at him so I told him to not tell me what to do and that nor him nor nobody was going to tell me what to do….and now suddenly my mom and my dad both believe I’m being extremely disrespectful for that and have even been asking me how I would feel if my kids spoke to me that way…to which I respond that if I raised my son the way my dad raised me yelling the same phrase out every time I don’t want to be told I’m wrong or that I’m doing something bad that I could not be mad because my kids are just treating me with the little respect that I treated them….am I being too harsh tho?

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Your son is soo cute. You can only control your own peace by setting boundaries

Personally when your dad made his comment about you not telling him he can't take pictures of your child, that would've been the last time he saw the child because if you can't respect me enough to not give strangers photos of my kid then how can I trust you to not let others around them. But to actually answer your question, I think what you said was perfect especially cause you weren't yelling in a negative manner, you were excited your baby took a step. Tell then that if they want a different answer then they should've listened to issues you've had with their behavior in the past

@Emily thank you!! I do have some boundaries but my dad sometimes acts like they don’t apply to him until I get extremely upset…

@Megan I don’t know if it’s the fact that my heart wants my dad to be part of my life again or if I’m just soft because I’ve thought so much about cutting off all contact with him and not let him see my baby anymore but my own self just doesn’t have the strength and it hurts my soul sometimes…and I am really glad I’m not the only one who thinks that what I said was perfectly fine because I always keep the peace for as long as I can until I’ve had enough but since I am Mexican and Mexican culture is really toxic even if you’re treated like bs by your parents you still aren’t allowed to be disrespectful toward them and that is something I promised myself I would not raise my son in

It's hard to cut someone off (parent or not) and I 1000% understand wanting your dad around, especially to see your littles grow. I'd say write a letter of what you want to say and write your boundaries in it clearly, if he's willing attempt to read it to him (both parents if you want). If he won't listen go back to limiting contact until he can at least respect the boundaries and if he can't then you've tried everything you can and you may have to cut contact.

Stand firm in your boundaries momma. You deserve to have your needs and wants respected regardless of who it is

Also, I would like to remind you that as much as you may love your parents it's okay to distance yourself. Just tell them, hey listen if you can't respect what I'm asking of you right now I'll give you a few days to think and when you're ready to listen to what I want is best then we can start trying to talk again.

My mom threatened me one time and I told her that SHE taught me to defend myself so she might wanna re-think if she thought she was gonna win and that woman was SO mad but it was the last time she threatened me but lied and told everyone I was trying to fight her 🙄 Girl you did what you needed to do

The disrespect over your boundaries about not wanting to send pics of your baby to strangers would have pissed me off. Yes it’s hard to go low/no contact especially with someone you care deeply about. I cut off both my parents before I even knew I was pregnant. I have two gorgeous boys and due a baby girl in Feb. while it does make me sad at times and I wish so much that things could be different/they could know about my children I know it’s the best thing for me and for them. Do what you need to do for YOU and your baby because your happiness and peace of mind are way more important.

@J.S. Jaees the amount of times my mom has done this ….

Don't let them make you think you're the crazy one. It sounds like you stood up for yourself and your baby. If dad doesn't like it, he should've been a better example 🤷🏾‍♀️