BD problems

So my BD pressured me for an abortion when I found out I was pregnant. After a lot of back and forth we broke up. Later down the line I got scared to do it alone so reached out to him, hoping for a ‘happily ever after’. It did not go like that. He came no zero appointments, only bought a pram because his mother pressured him to which he vocally begrudged. Once baby was born (this September) he couldn’t care less, he was pretending to care every now and again. Me and my mother did everything. He turned out to be a narcissist who had been emotionally manipulative the whole time. I decide to leave him because it wasn’t fair to my mental state and wasn’t fair for baby. He hasn’t paid a penny towards her, he emotionally neglected us, he was controlling and constantly making digs to make me feel horrible. He even begged his father for money because he had to pay for parking at the hospital. He also made his mother buy clothes etc. Now he’s demanding mediation (after I offered once every two weeks visitation) and for him to be on the birth certificate and have his last name on her name after treating us like crap. He then got a solicitor involved and it’s just been so stressful. He came to my house and tried to get me outside. There’s so many more things he’s done but this post is long enough. I’m letting him visit Monday but my mum is taking baby to see Him. I don’t want my baby near him, he doesn’t care at all about her and he’s just wanting me back to begin the manipulation etc again. If he genuinely cared and had shown he was a good person I’d have no problem.

Show your support

Standard narcissist behaviour . He wants his cake and to eat it too .

So set up mediation to comply. Once he shows that he isn’t trying to be civil, take it to court. He needs boundaries and he’ll let you run around like a chicken with it’s head cut off just to engage with you

I realize that this is mostly a vent But why would you have expected anything different? The effort and the fight on his end is mostly from pressure from the people around him because they see him being a deadbeat and are trying to call him out on it Just stand your ground you decided to move forward with having the child after he expressed and demonstrated that he wanted no parts Put the legal parameters in place and stand your ground because you knew you could do it yourself and that’s why you moved forward with having her

You’ve been through so much, and it’s clear you’re doing everything you can to protect both yourself and your baby. It’s understandable that you feel conflicted and overwhelmed given how poorly he has treated you and the lack of genuine care he’s shown for your child. Setting boundaries is essential, and it’s a good decision to have your mom facilitate the visitation to limit your direct interaction with him. If he’s using legal measures to push for rights, you might want to consult with a family lawyer to ensure you and your child are protected, especially regarding the birth certificate and custody issues. Remember, his behavior speaks volumes about his priorities, and you’re not obligated to meet his demands if they compromise your well-being or your child’s. Stay firm in your boundaries, prioritize your mental health, and seek support from trusted people around you. You’re doing what’s best for your baby, and that’s what matters most.

@Namiah I’m terrified that he’s going to get parental rights and any kind of custody. I love my baby more than anything in this planet and it would destroy me if he gets away with using her like this. His solicitor has already advised he go through court to get his name on the birth certificate and I don’t know what to do!

@Asha I agree and think it’s also people (aka his mum) pressuring him into doing something. I don’t know how any of this works, my mum keeps saying he will get bored and move on but I’m scared he won’t and he will just be torcher for the rest of my life because he knows how to scare me into things I don’t want to do

I understand how difficult this must be for you. First, seeking advice from a family lawyer can help protect your rights and guide you through the legal process regarding parental rights and custody. If the father isn’t on the birth certificate or involved in your child’s life, the lawyer can help you understand how this may impact things. It’s also important to document any concerns you have and consider mediation as a way to reach an agreement. Courts prioritize the child’s well-being, so showing that you provide a stable, loving environment will be key.

@Monét I’m scared of court. I just want to be left alone with my beautiful baby. It’s not fair he’s dragged her into this. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do

You can’t just lie down. Boundaries so that he isn’t controlling you. Otherwise he’ll just drag you around. Take your power back, get things in writing, stop engaging.

Idk your situation but you might qualify for free/low cost legal services you’ve just got to search in your area