Correct me if I’m wrong

So I’m 4 weeks PP. since the birth I have been staying with my mother for about 3 weeks so I can have help with the baby and also get looked after. My sister and my mum did everything, from night feeds, nappy changes, laundry, cooking. Everything. I’m also married and came back to my house last week. My mother in law came too to help out. What’s funny is that she came with food. And she said “I came with food for MYSELF because I didn’t want to stress you” And I just paused… did she expect me to make her a feast everyday? Because what she came with were just Nigerian dishes. And also she’s not going to cook and help us with food? Like? We order food since I’m super tired and still in pain from having a CS and she still wants us to order for her. Okay so now my mum made food for me and dropped it off, she then asks me to tell my mum to bring her garri to to eat?? And now I’ve just come to the fridge just to see that one of the soups my mum brought has been eaten. And it was eaten by her. (My husband doesn’t eat Nigerian soups). I’m just so confused and don’t know if I’m really in the wrong here? Am I wrong for not cooking for my Nigerian mother in law or is she wrong for not cooking for us, plus eating the food my mum made for me. She’s very helpful other than that, she does the night feeds and is really nice. Just confused about the food thing. I know Africans have different expectations and maybe she expects me to be catering to her. She knows I’m in pain and she knows I’m tired. I’m also breastfeeding so she knows I should be eating a lot. I just wonder because she said she brought food so I’m not stressed meaning she did expect me to cook.

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My mum is Nigerian she didn’t let me lift a finger when she stayed at mine to help out I think that’s the whole point. Although you’re triggered best thing might be to talk to your husband and let his mum know you’d really appreciate her help with cooking/cleaning etc as you’re still recovering just to keep tension to a minimum and your stress levels down xx

@Jamilah exactly, I thought that was the whole point too. She’s so helpful at night but then that’s about it. I could’ve stayed longer with my own mother who actually looked after me properly… but my MIL insisted on coming for 2 weeks. my husband’s solution is to just keep ordering food but that’s so expensive and not helpful as she also wants us to order for her, on top of the food she brought for herself and the food she ate that my mum brought for me😅. I’m just like wow

I do think that’s out of order. I don’t think ordering food for two weeks is a good solution that’s so expensive especially when you’ve just had a baby. Do you think if he asks her to help more she’d be willing? Cos it’s a lot and quite inconsiderate eating what your mum prepared for you and paying for all her meals too x

@Jamilah so I caved in. I decided to cook today and she brought her boyfriend over to eat as well. She said she was going to help but ended up just watching tv and doing nothing. It’s so out of order and what’s funny is she keeps on saying “let’s see how your food will be, you know you don’t cook much just order” I’m just like wtf? I also have to clean the house yesterday spent hours because if I don’t do it, no one will and all she kept on saying was “watch your back, don’t bend too much” - BUT THEN WHY WONT YOU HELP?? She’s actually a nice person and very helpful at night but I just want her to go😭

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