Am i wrong for feeling like this?

Hi girls! Ive been feeling really overwhelmed recently with a couple things and need a bit of support with what to do! Im a very laid back person and ever since i met my partner hes had to involve his family in everything! Our first date he invited his parents to! I was so shocked but didnt say much as i didnt want to upset him by asking if they could give it a miss! I feel like ever since ive had my baby they’ve bombarded us coming over and picking up my baby all the time and i dont mind maybe seeing them all twice a month but its every weekend and in the week sometimes! Theyve never really taken much notice of me which is fine but grabbing my baby ,all over him, posting him on their social media without even asking me if its ok! just got to me a lot! We said we would have family time just us 3 this bank holiday weekend just gone and that didn’t work out either! Started off with him inviting his parents over for takeaway Friday night which i managed to talk him out of as they wanted to come over Saturday morning too! Then we said we would go for a walk and picnic to watch the sunset at one of my fave places on sunday but no! We had to go watch his brother play football with the whole family, then he asked his parents if they want to come for a walk up where i wanted to go n i got so fed up i just said i didnt want to go anymore! Then yesterday i said lets go for a walk and he asked them again.. i said ive got loads of cleaning to do so will have to see what the time is to avoid going with them. I just feel so upset and dont really know what to say! During my pregnancy i stopped contact with my family as im adopted and have been through years of abuse in my adoptive family, i thought it would be better once my son arrived but didnt work out.. i know this may have an affect on how i am with his family but i do let them see my baby a lot i just think its too much for me as a ftm! Please let me know how i should go about this as i dont want arguments with my partner but its pushing me away so much :(

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Have you spoken to him about it? Does he know that family time means your little family?

@Tasha yeah i have multiple times but his family r so close n have always been together its so hard for me bc he gets annoyed when i tell them no.

Hey I understand how tough this is and you’re not being selfish. Perhaps it’s worth opening up to him and confronting him about what had actually happened when you were overseas. He should respect you and keep his relationship with his ex strictly based on the kids. In my opinions spending time together with his kids for dinner isn’t necessarily bad especially for their children but it’s not fair if he is not informing and coming into an agreement with you. In terms of the phone calls…personally I wouldn’t like it if he kept leaving the room. Nothing should be hidden and this behaviour can open a door of suspicion. Perhaps tell him how it makes you feel and ask him to stop. If he doesn’t then…red flag…he should respect your feelings. Bear in mind that although the marriage has ended doesn’t mean the love has. You gotta know what you want. And weigh everything out. It will never be a case of you and him but you, him and his previous family I.e ex wife and his two kids.

@Incognito its really hard i feel like if i say something similar to what i have on here hell go mad :( ive spoken to him even cried abt it b4 as the first week home was hell for me with his family constantly here all the time. Its a really shit situation

@Sarah i think you’ve commented this in the wrong place?

He has to understand that now his “main” family is you and your baby. Your needs have to be a priority for him and if you don’t feel comfortable with his family grabbing your baby all the time and posting them on social media he needs to respect that. If you feel it’s impossible to talk to him about how you feel maybe suggest to go to family therapy, you’ll have a safe space where you can express yourself freely. Communication in a relationship is the key. Your feelings shouldn’t be invalidated. It’s nice to have family to help with a baby but always respecting mom’s needs

I think you need to have a conversation with your man. About not inviting his folks over without clearing it with you first. Like it is cool that they want to see y'all and hang out, but not without your okay first. I would be livid if my husband invited ANYONE over without checking with me first. I don't always feel up to having guests. Nor do I always have the time to entertain. You need to be able to say no to spending time with them. It sounds like your man is not giving you that chance. And that needs to change.

Do you know what enmeshment is? I would look it up and see if it fits. Either way, it is sooo frustrating when SO can't just spend time with you and baby and has to invite his parents or family, totally understand!!! I put up with it for nearly 4 years!!! But finally we had a chat, I kept things strictly factual and "I" sentences, no attacking or anything and told him that I feel as if it's unnecessary for his parents to be here and go out with us every single outting. I asked how we are supposed to bond as a little family and he also noticed that I was usually miserable or on edge the whole time and that we fought a lot and usually about his parents. I also let him see me vulnerable, it's so hard but when he truly saw how stressed out and upset the whole situation made me feel it really opened his eyes and he didn't realize it was hurting me so badly. Conversations involving the parents are so hard, people get so defensive so fast!! I hope he listens to you before he drives you completely insane🤍🤍

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