Help- violent toddler
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colour nicely then I keep taking him to his own area and try to play with him. I do find that they both have worst hissy fits when they are tired/hungry/thirsty so I try to offer drinks and food when they're getting aggy with each other. Sometimes I just have to bring one of their sleep times forward if they're approaching it anyway. Then they usually wake up happy again. Is she still napping? If she's only recently dropped it maybe she needs to nap still a couple of times a week?... And then probably a controversial opinion but my husband LOVES a time out and when my little girl is having the worst tantrums or keeps repeatedly misbehaving then I do actually resort to them too. I only removed her from where we are and put her on the other side of the door (my husband goes whole hog and takes her up to her bed) She stays there maximum of 2 mins but actually just until she calms down enough to talk to her. Seems like your little girl reacted well to the time out today. Sometimes they just get overstimulated.
...and need that time away to reset. My little girl actually asks for timeouts at times now as I think she's learnt that actually having a minute to herself does help sometimes. It is still a last resort for me though, unless she asks to have one, as I don't really like the idea of her being on her own at times of stress generally.xx
Hey, I am in a very similar situation atm with my LB. The tantrums have been so bad and he is also being really spiteful particularly towards me. Today’s tantrums have been a new level of bad! I wish I had some advice to help as I know how horrible it is. My dms are always open for a chat 🩷
From what I’m reading it seems that you’re being too soft on her, her behavior is gonna continue as bigger consequences are not being enforced. Gentle parenting can only work for so long. Sometimes firmer tactics are needed. There is no way in hell I would stand there with no reaction while my toddler is hitting me in ANY way or hitting her siblings. She needs to know that she is not in charge here, YOU are as the parent. Have you tried taking away her toys? Or screen time (if she gets any)? Time outs? When she hits, stop staying calm and not reacting. Hold both of her hands firmly and tell her to STOP. I’ve seen this time and time again, the more calm parents remain, the more aggressive the kids become. It’s just my opinion, obviously you don’t have to go with what I say. I’m aware that people have different parenting styles and do whatever works for them.
If you’re on instagram I recommend following Mr Chazz. When the world doesn’t go our way we tend to lash out verbally or physically - this is totally age appropriate. Only once we turn 25 is the logical part of our brain fully developed. Learning to regulate ourselves takes a long time and so many adults aren’t even capable of doing this because they never learnt. I wouldn’t ignore or punish the undesirable behaviour though. She *needs* connection and she needs you to help her regulate herself at those difficult moments as she is developmentally incapable of it. See Mr Chazz for loads of useful examples. She isn’t trying to be awful to you, she just needs you to teach her another way. Gentle parenting is absolutely appropriate for all situations - too often it is confused for permissive parenting though. Gentle parenting is all about respecting the child as another human and teaching them boundaries.
Thanks so much for reading and responding guys. In terms of trigger it can be the tiniest thing and sometimes I have no clue what it is 🤦🏻♀️ I’ve never shut her away or done time out before this scenario but it definitely helped calm her down so perhaps it can be our last resort if she’s getting too physical and nothing else will calm her down. I just want to clarify I don’t just sit there and let her hit me or her sister- i always intervene firmly but without intimidating or harming her (although shouted today which I feel awful about). Thanks for recommending Mr Chazz I’ve just had a quick look and it’s fantastic. I totally agree re gentle parenting, it’s what we feel is right for us but I think I myself have been too passive recently and she’s pushing boundaries and my tired mum brain hasn’t had capacity to cope 🤦🏻♀️
So I found the best thing that works for any aggressive or atm it's going to be aggressive... is an immediate consequence. What upsets her the most is someone being upset with her and not liking her. So if she goes to hit us instead of talking, we will get straight up and leave the room. She then gets more upset and we go back to her and ask if she's calm enough to talk about it, if not we leave her again then go back in like 30 secs. Eventually she wants a cuddle and we talk through it.
The only thing to work for us is to tell her calmly - we do not do this please go to your room. She then will have a meltdown in her room but after about 3 minutes she either calms down and comes out on her own accord or I go in, we lie on her bed and cuddle and talk about it. It’s the only way to get her out of her rage
I read it Mumma. Not really sure if I've got much to say to help but one thing I can say for sure is that you are most certainly NOT failing her. Parenting is hard! You didn't really mention what causes the tantrums, other than your husband being unavailable for her to see. I know my little girl can have horrendous tantrums. She tries to hit (doesn't really hurt anyone but it's the principle right?) Also lashes out to hit her 16 month old brother (In fairness he is very irritating to her sometimes! - always wants what she is playing with or just to be in her space). I try to preempt the problems as much as I can to avoid the tantrums. We've been focusing on taking turns with toys which they've both gotten really good at. Distracting my little girl if she really does want something he's playing with and he won't give it up (which he shouldn't have to as he would have had it first - another rule which goes both ways for them to help sharing). If he's just in her space and she's actually trying to play/...