Am I asking too much of my husband ?

My husband is like this too. I chalk it up to different styles of learning. He prefers to talk to people instead of researching online. He’ll bring his list of questions in a spreadsheet to pediatrician appointments but doesn’t research on his own. I nudge him by sending social media videos. Now at least some of his feed is about baby development.

You’ve got to get your husband a kindle for the next holiday! He’ll have no excuse then.

Marriages are never 50/50 in every aspect. I'm better at doing certain things then my husband and vice versa. I don't expect him to do what I'm better at etc. I think it's amazing he's done so much already and you should give him some grace. If in the future you need help in that area ask him but dint expect him to take charge in something it seems like you've always been doing (planning etc) maybe he needs encouragement too? Most men favor words of affirmation as their love language I've noticed!

I think you could have a conversation with him about your expectations but I also think it sounds like he’s doing quite a bit in terms of helping with care which is great. My husband is not the type to get on Google and research routines etc and I know that so I don’t really expect him to. I typically make the routine and he goes with it while still being very hands on and helping.

Maybe he just wants to feel out parenting, I don’t blame him, I don’t like how to books with kids.

I think you’re just looking for things to complain about which is totally normal in the first year or so of your children’s lives. Try not to form negative opinions about your husband during The early stages because 9/10 times you’ll realize it was just hormones/exhaustion/stress 🤷🏼‍♀️🫶🏻

It's kinda normal. Most men don't really do research on baby stuff. My husband shares in alot of the household stuff if I'm behind or obviously unable to do it bc of our daughter. And sometimes things get put on the back burner till we both have time. It's not in a man's nature to be nurturing to the same degree us moms r. I'd just inform him the stuff u learn as u go. Or try not telling new things, and when he needs to know something say "look it up like I do". Maybe that'll work?🤷‍♀️ Plus as a 1st time mama we are constantly looking things up, asking questions, etc. Guys usually do better by being thrown to the wolves and learn as they go. Just try and be patient. Maybe voice your concerns with your hubs, tell how u feel. He can't even attempt to fix it, if he doesn't know. Men can be completely oblivious to the obvious stuff. Literally put it right in front of them, and they still have no clue. Just don't talk to him like he's stupid.

Make sure to mention all the good things he's doing (yes I'm serious). If u find that's not working, I highly recommend couples counseling. U might not have any "problems" but it's good to just discuss where u guys ate after have kids. Catch up, make sure things aren't being left unsaid bc someone may be worried they'll hurt someone's feelings. U got this mama! Stay strong.

Since you said he’s been helping out with everything and being really supportive I don’t think he’s done anything wrong. Just because someone online said to do something a certain way doesn’t make it right. Also just because you want something done a certain way doesn’t make it the only way.

I m the same. But I enjoy it since I m a control freak and LOVE investigate and do things my way. Also my partner manage other things (all gardening - we have a big yard-, manage works we have at home,...) he does all the research for those things. He also cook, make groceries, care for baby for me to work out or go with friends whenever It's possible,... I do consider he is giving 100% of himself into our family so I don't blame him for not doing the research.

Man brain 🤷🏻‍♀️

Forcing mine to read into stuff or sending him parenting articles, etc never helped. It actually just irritated him. Women are wired to be more maternal, we did carry the children after all. It seriously took my husband until our son was 1.5-2 yrs old to get softer and do some of those things on his own! Maybe it’ll come 🤷🏼‍♀️

I experienced this with our first and it was really difficult at first. I would get so frustrated that he wouldn’t take initiative to learn or try new things if what I had taught him didn’t work. I look back and know it was more hormone driven than anything. Men (not all, but most) do not have that natural instinct. As much as I wanted him to get it, he just didn’t understand. But he was always willing to help however he could or when I gave him clear direction. I still find myself getting frustrated by that even 3 years into parenting, but I remind myself that he has come so far and truly is an amazing partner and father. I promise you these feelings will pass, give him a little grace. But also, give some small things for him to research and learn, just be prepared that he may do it differently than you would want and you’ll still get frustrated 😂

My husband doesn't often research things, I will look up everything, especially when we were going through difficult spells. However, he does surprise me sometimes and he will have looked up something and have valid info (most recently, we started potty training and he had obviously done some research, which put us on the page). In fairness, in our general life, I do most of the research/planning. I enjoy it though so it doesn't bother me too much, but it's always nice when he does put the effort in

Your feelings of frustration are valid! Each partner brings something different to the table. I would just try and look at it from a different perspective and embrace that this is one your strong qualities that maybe he doesn’t excel at in the same way- especially because you say he’s great in so many other ways! Who knows, there may be things he thinks about and goes “oh I wish she did more of this or less of that” but I think there are some things not worth bringing up. I guess my advice is if it’s something you think you can get over and look at differently than don’t bring it up. But if it is reallllly bothering you then you should talk more about it with him 🤷‍♀️ Just be prepared you might open a can of worms and then he brings up things he’d like more of too haha

I’d ditch the books. Parent your child your way. What’s in the books isn’t always right for everyone and just because it’s in a book doesn’t mean it’s right. Children don’t follow a textbook. They will do as they please. It sounds like your husband is doing what is required of him like supporting you and caring for his kids. My husband has never read a parenting book in all his life(neither have I actually) and our kids are doing ok

My husband tried to dress our toddler in pjs today when I asked him to get her clothes. He’s never seen her wear them before other than to bed. Men are just different.

I feel like most men are of the assumption that parenting just comes naturally. I realized with our first that my husband knew next to nothing (not even how to hold her), and I had to hand hold and teach him every single thing. He didn’t even see the relevance of me talking to her all the time, reading to her, singing while she was in utero. I had to explain how it helps with her development, and send him little videos and stuff on the subject. When he saw how she reacted to being read to etc, when she was born even at a young age he made the connection. This time around he’s much better, but I know there are still things I will have to teach him as time progresses. In general, what I’ve learned about my husband is to allow him to do the things he is great at/ sees sense in doing, or won’t moan about when asked and I do the other things. To be fair, there are some things I will never want to do (like clean and wash the car). Makes our life so much easier and happier.

Men get lazy when they realize someone else will do the work lol

lol I think you’ve just described 99.9% of men! I think I have the best husband in the entire world that is completely dedicated to our kid and is so very hands on, but he never did things like look up milestones/wake windows, etc. He did help with all the chores (I’m not sure I ever cleaned a bottle myself) so there’s not much room to complain.

Is there some aspect of development that he is interested in? My husband is the same but he looks into only things that he is interested in, like he has adhd, we are certain our LO has it, so he has been looking into parenting that so LO doesn’t have the same struggles he has had.

Thank you for all the advice ladies 💓 I've taken it all on board and decided to be a bit more chill about it and accept that we are who we are. Really most days I feel incredibly lucky to have such a hands -on husband, but at the same time I also think it's the minimum that I or any woman should expect, since the kids are half his 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Jenny where you’re uncomfortable have open and honest dialogue about it. He may be willing to change in some regards. Be nice about it and help him to understand from your perspective ❤️