How do I gain confidence to allow mil to have lo

I feel physically ill at the thought of mil looking after lo, she’s 15 months, not walking but crawling and climbing. She’s breast fed, I haven’t gone back to work and she’s with me 247 bar the odd few hours my mother has her so I can clean. I don’t feel I’m able to speak up to my mil to give instructions/ set boundaries, I know even if I do they’ll go out the window. I’m trying to get better for partners sake and have suggested she take her for a walk in the pram at the weekend. I don’t want to but I’m forcing myself. Does anyone feel like this and how can I change it?

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You don't need to do anything you are not comfortable with. Including letting her have her for a pram walk.

I second this. If there is no need to be separated from baby, you definitely don't have to just because an adult wants it.

I agree you don't have to if you are not comfortable. Don't let anyone pressure you into them babysitting or feeling bad they don't spend alone time with your LO. The only time my MIL babysat was when she came over a few hours before LO's bedtime & we put LO to bed and went to the cinema. Like your mil, she wouldn't listen to our instructions or boundries anyway so she's never had her alone while awake

Thanks everyone, it’s so hard because my partner views it as I’m stopping our daughter from having a relationship with her grandmother

She can have a relationship without taking her alone by herself. I don't understand why people think the only way to bond is without mom and dad. It's odd. You're not preventing anything.

This is what my partner says but I don’t have ils babysit either. The way I see it is we want someone im comfortable with babysitting so we can enjoy the free time, if I’m stressed how baby is with mil we won’t relax and have a nice date! “Letting” her babysit would be just for mil and she is not my priority, baby is! Plenty of time to take him to park for a hour or two when he’s walking and talking (and able to tell me what happens when I’m gone😂)

It's not stopping her from having a relationship with your child she could come over at any time with you there to visit and spend time and bond with baby have a "relationship"with them........but I find it weird if she feels she can only form a relationship with baby if you are not around like what are you saying to doing that you want to be alone so bad and if your mama gut is bubbling I would listen to your gut. always listen to the mama gut

No one needs to have alone time with your child. The obsession in this group from MILS to be left all alone with their grandchildren is odd. I'd ask your partner why he feels his mum can't have a normal relationship with his child without you both there? How does your absence (and even stranger, his as HER child) help her bond? He needs to unpack that a bit I think. I hope you find the words/strength to say no x

Honestly, I don’t let my MIL or FIL have LO alone and he’s 21 months. I am not comfortable with their ability to watch a 21 month old (they are old for their age and he’s active and fast) or their willingness to listen to/ respect our boundaries. If you don’t feel comfortable, don’t. It’s not a right, it’s a privilege to be able to care for someone’s child when they aren’t there and there are a multitude of reasons why that might not happen.

@Eppie I agree. It’s so weird that so many MIL’s feel the mom needs to not be around to bond with a child. Why? Maybe one day there will be a paper regarding this phenomenon.