MIL was a health visitor

So my MIL was a health visitor over 10 years ago, since retired. It's been a huge problem since having my son as she's treating every visit as an assessment of my son. He had mild newborn jaundice and an even more minor hernia which she took weird pleasure in totally freaking us out about. She told us he had hip displasia and I went to the GP sobbing and turns out he didn't. She made my hubby change his nappy in front of her so she could check him over last time we visited. She tuts at things I do to soothe him like popping him in the carrier (he's such a heavy baby to hold otherwise) and hates the fact I pump (I couldn't breastfeed). She spent our last visit tutting at me constantly. It makes me feel like a shit mum and like I'm doing everything wrong. I wouldn't mind if she was doing this because she cares but its definitely just for her own ego. I feel incredibly anxious when I have to see her. I won't sleep for days. My husband thinks I'm mostly being over sensitive apart from very occasionally when he feels she overstepps but isn't willing to challenge her. HELP!!

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Oh my lovely you’re not overreacting at all if she can’t separate her past professional life and accept her new transition of nanny/grandma then you and your husband definitely need to have a word. And I’m just gonna say congratulations on pumping because that’s a full-time job in of itself let alone all the sterilising and then feeding baby. I sometimes only managed to pump once a day and that’s enough for me, you are superwoman.

She can't have been a very good health visitor if all she does is judge you and freak you out. They're meant to be a support resource, not whatever she's doing. If I were you, I would start talking about my health visitor visits in a positive way ("I had a really positive experience when HV talked to me about this" or to be more direct "I didn't think health visitors were meant to tut or judge new mums, strange"). She sounds so annoying.

She was a health visitor 10 years ago. Unless she kept studying she is really out of line and not updated to give any advise or tips. I would be straight with her. "Thanks mil. But as you had no updates for at least 10 years, I m not gonna take any advice from you anymore. If you want our relationship to be good and to be part of our life, I would recommend not to trespass any of our healthy boundaries". She sounds like a nightmare

@D Yeah this is the mad thing. I bet she made some mums totally miserable when she was working. She's the coldest, harshest person. Our actual health visitor was an angel and so this is actually a great idea!

@Emma Thank you so much, that actually made me tear up a little bit. That's very kind x

@Aurélie Yes exactly! So much of her knowledge is wayyyy out of date. I Love your name BTW

Thank you. I love yours too @incognito 😝😊

Just stop visiting and when she asks why message and say that each visit felt like an assessment or a test that she believed you were failing which wasn’t enjoyable so you have decided to take a step back for now as you don’t need this negativity around you and baby. Then tell her that if she wants to start acting like a grandmother rather than an ex HV you will consider allowing her a visit. You could also add (for good measure) that you already received HV visits from a very supportive person who believes you are doing a fantastic job as a new mother so not sure why she feels the need to put you down. X