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@Tash he thinks he’s fine . But then when we do anything in town he is in a horrible mood . Or he’ll get drunk to the point where I’d rather he not even go . He refuses to even go to a farmers market . Our son is young but I don’t want him to grow up and feel like his dad is only present when his sister is over . I understand he’s in a tough spot but it’s coming to the point where I’d rather let him go and have his peace without us and have visitation when he can have both kids at the same time . His depression rubs off on me and then it makes me feel guilty for wanting to do anything with our child and that’s not fair either . I have his childhood in my hands .
My SD is a teen so luckily I didn’t go through this that much. It was a thing at some point until I shut it down. Just like you said, it’s not fair to your child. No I’m is going to compromise my child’s childhood.
I’m so sorry, this sounds heartbreaking for you. It also sounds like depression, and he’s avoiding it. I assume you’ve had a conversation with him about the depression and seeking help? Maybe coming from a place of concern for his mental health would be better (and not mention the daughter at this stage?). I can see it is really impacting you all. If he refuses to seek help or acknowledge this, it also means he’s refusing to listen to you and your concerns too 🥺
@Sally yea it’s really hard I try to be an understanding and patient spouse but there’s only so much that I can do until I have to create a boundary to ensure my child still has a childhood worth remembering too
@Tash he refuses to seek help because he thinks he has it under control but it’s the same story every month where we’re dealing with the same thing different occasion. It also doesn’t help that his family has the same mindset where we shouldn’t do anything at all without his daughter (not that we intentionally leave her out) . They will cancel / postpone every holiday for her on a whim . That’s where it becomes more challenging where there is a schedule but bm always gets her way even if it’s our time .
Is there anyway to get the daughter more often or include her more often ? I know she lives far 🥺
@Ninti per court order no . And when it’s our scheduled time bm will make plans and manipulate sd by saying oh you’re going to miss out on this because you’re dad is making you go visit etc . It’s not a healthy coparenting situation. We’ve tried to compromise but it’s always a one way street . We lose out on time with her or if we agree to switch time or weekend then bm will back out last min . Or if we stick to schedule then sd HATES us . Damned if we do damned if we don’t . It’s extremely toxic
How old is your son and how old is the daughter ?
@Ninti son is 6 sd is 13
So your spouse decided recently he didn’t want to leave her out or has this been going on for a while ?
@Ninti it’s been an ongoing struggle . I would try to do things together and plan things when she’s here but that doesn’t always stick . When she’s not here I still try and do what I can on the weekends such as local baseball games . Or pool if it’s summer … driving around town to see Christmas lights during the holidays etc . He’d always say he’s busy or hang with his friends because he doesn’t want to feel guilty for doing family things without his daughter . This week he just said he was done feeling guilty so idk what that even means . Idk if I should stop trying to include him or just move on . Or keep trying idk
This sounds like a such a tough situation and I can see how it would be hurtful to both you and your son. 😢 Is your husband willing to get therapy to work through this? Because you’re right… you can’t put your lives on hold.