Feeling torn

Sometimes I feel resentful that I chose to marry someone with a child . Loving the child is easy . Dealing with the coparenting is what’s stressful . Not having a say in arrangements but then still being expected to live on their terms . I’m ashamed to say that I’m feeling disconnected because I’m always living waiting for when it’s our turn to have step daughter . I know she’s a big part of our lives but she’s not here often and it sucks for me feeling like I worked so hard to build my life yet I’m always on a “can’t do that we don’t have her that weekend . Or no we switched weekends or no bm won’t allow that” . It sucks feeling like I can’t be happy .