Am I wrong for being upset?

Babes I'm in the same boat 🫠

That just tells me your husband only sees you as a place to put his dick! If he loved and valued you he would make sure you were taken care of. Life is too short to be treated like a pocket pussy- I would leave because this clearly says exactly how he values you. And everyone deserves to be taken care of sexually with their partner. Not all the time cuz things happen but overall it matters.

I told my partner from the beginning that I expect to orgasm every time he does. I got so tired of past relationships always making excuses and prioritizing themselves over me. my current partner loves to make me finish and our sex life is so fulfilling. tell him that unless he starts to prioritize you, then you are taking sex off the table because it just isn't fun for you.

I’d try to make it sexy. “I need you to make me cum tonight, I’ve been thinking about it all day” or something. And if that works, I’d just give him sexy praise for being able to give me an orgasm. Men are pretty simple and they need to be coerced a little bit sometimes. I wouldn’t be visibly frustrated or coach him in any way- I think that will just start a fight or make him feel emasculated.

You need to have a serious talk with him and say that your needs are not getting met.

You’re speaking for probably 96% of women in a relationship with a man. I think they only way is to communicate, if it doesn’t change then stop doing things he likes (blow jobs etc)

@Emma punishing your partner will never get you what you want.

Yeah this would piss me off ngl. My OH is the opposite, he gets upset if we have sex a few times that week and he's the only one that does lol. He will absolutely always try to make me finish too, but sometimes it just doesn't happen! But we definitely need more time, so he is very much being a selfish arse!

@Amber if communication doesn’t work then what’s the next step?? He’s not doing what she likes (which is punishment as well). Personally I’d never keep giving a blow job to someone who didn’t listen or care about my needs….is feel like a prostitute

You’ve got to hype a man up to do anything for you. Men don’t do anything just because, they need motivation. Anything that could hurt my man’s ego, I communicate positively. I don’t say “those brown pants look stupid” I say “your ass looks so good in that black pair”. I don’t say “why don’t you do dishes more often since I’m the one who cooks” I say “I need your help with dishes tonight so I can do XYZ” I don’t say “you’re not fulfilling my sexual needs” I say “I’ve thought about you all day and I need nothing more than an incredible orgasm while you’re inside me”. That’s the difference between pushing your partner away with nagging, and getting what you want. Would it be easier to be direct and just say “I need more orgasms from you”? Sure, but men don’t work that way. They get defensive because it’s an ego thing and men don’t like to be told what to do. Donkeys like to be stroked in the direction their hair grows. Plus, you love this man and want you both to be happy.

Oh I would be furious too hun, argued with my partner a few times about it and he stepped up because it wasn’t like this before I had my son so why is he changed now . He fixed up real quick cos he knows I like sex🙈🙈

you definitely aren’t wrong. i feel so sad for women in relationships like this! it’s so not fair and i’d tell him straight up, if you aren’t gonna take care of me i’m not taking care of you. no need to baby him or nurse his ego. fuck that lol

@Izzie literally that part lmao. fuck his ego

Mine is the same girl after he orgasms he literally instantly passes out its irritating

U r not overreacting, he’s being selfish

@Amber you talk about men as if they’re children. That’s the same strategy one would use to get a toddler to clean up their toys or eat their dinner

Thankyou guys omg I feel so validated right now because i love him and I know he means well but it’s frustrating. Because I’ve tried literally talking to him about it and I’ll say “I was really hoping to finish too, like could we maybe keep going??” And he’ll just say “I wanted you to finish too babe I’m sorry but I’m tired, maybe tomorrow?” Like ugh idk

do you have toys? could he use toys on you before or after?

@Amber i dont think it's true thay you've got to hype a man up to do anything for you. My husband WANTS to do things for me and most of the time does things without me asking, he sees I'm struggling, he helps, he knows I need something from the store, he stops by and grabs it, he is heading home from work, he asks if i need anything while he's in town. But he also refuses to finish unless I do as well, sometimes he will just pleasure me without expecting anything in return. And if I tell him I am missing something from him, he tries hard to fix it. Not all men struggle with a fragile ego

@Victoria You and I clearly parent differently. I used to use the direct approach with my spouse. Then I got divorced. Now I use the “not nagging” and “not criticizing” and “not punishing” approach and I’m in the healthiest, most fulfilling relationship of my life. I stopped parenting my partner by giving a shit about his feelings instead of telling him he’s doing a bad job. I tell my children to clean up after themselves, I don’t convince them to. The suggestion that we withhold sex to get our partners to do things differently is more like how one would get a child to do things. I would NEVER *tell* my SO to do something. I’m not his mother or his boss. My relationship with my SO is awesome and he regularly verbally appreciates that I communicate my needs without him feeling challenged. If whatever you’re doing at home is working, I’m not suggesting you change, but OP is on here because she’s not happy and I simply suggested she try what works in my home.

@Sarah we have used toys and he does seem to like using them but he has to be the one to want to use them like it has to be his idea because if I bring it up he’s not really into it for some reason idk

no dude bump that. get yourself a wand or a bullet and use it during sex. that way you're more likely to get yours before he taps out. this might sound kind of crazy but have you ever like, insisted that he help you get off? what I mean by that is like, kind of be more dominant and when he goes to roll over just be like "oh no I'm not done with you yet" but in like a sexy way lol. it sounds weird typed out 😂 but I'll do that to my partner sometimes and he'll use his fingers plus my wand to get me there. but then again, my partner actually loves to see me get off. it's not an every-(wo)man-for-themselves type of situation like this seems to be. the fact that he knows it's frustrating for you but just shrugs it off is annoying me lol

@Sarah yes lol that’s basically what I have to do, and sometimes he’s with it and most of the time he’s not.

part of me says to just pull out some toys and go at it right next to him, but the other part of me doesn't want him to get used to that and think it's okay to just leave you hanging bc you'll just take care of it yourself lol. does he EVER make an attempt to get you off first? is foreplay happening?

@Sarah tbh if she’s trying and he’s still not doing anything I would use toys on my own and enjoy myself tbh

@Sarah yes, he does try sometimes but not enough if that makes sense. Because we have really good sex I can’t lie. But he always and I meant ALWAYS somehow finishes before me and because it’s good and get got off that’s enough for him. Even when I’m close dude. Like it really irks me sometimes. But then there’s other times where he says keep going and that’s great for me because truth be told I wasn’t that far behind him. But he doesn’t do that very often so idk

Girl you are not overreacting. If he doesn't put in the effort everytime to make you climax before, during,and after you're going to be sexually frustrated every time and then start to resent him for not making your climax/enjoyment a priority. Your man should pride himself in making you climax before getting off himself. Most women can't cum vaginally so foreplay is very important in most relationships. If I tell my man I didn't climax he goes until I say stop. He needs to seriously step up his game.