Sometimes I don't feel like a mom

My wife and I have an almost 2 year old son. He is absolutely amazing, funny, and just a joy to be with. She carried and went through all the pregnancy emotions and feelings. I know she has a different kind of connection with him. Personally, I never pictured myself pregnant for many reasons, but always wanted a family. I've been a sahm since he's been born as my wife is very career driven and was the "bread winner" to begin with. But over the last year we've distanced and are seeking separate help for many different reasons. But as the other mom/parent sometimes I don't feel like a mom sometimes and my brain tells me I'm more like a dad. I present myself a little less feminine. I did cut my hair off when our son was younger. Thats a whole other thing. But there are times that I don't feel connection with him and I'm just hear watching him. Did I miss out on something big or am I just messed up?
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Based on many of the things that you said, it sounds like this is probably more related to your relationship with yourself and your identity rather than not feeling like a parent, or “mom”. What if you were to lean into more of the “dad” role, do you think redefining your identity would better affirm your relationship? Also, I think all parents question themselves and their feelings to some degree so I don’t think you are messed up. 🫶

I know if I leaned into the "dad" role, I would lose the relationship with my wife. That's a transition I know she mentioned to me she isn't sure she can be attracted to. But I didn't feel like this before he was born. Or am I just trying to find common ground with my son because he is going to be a little man someday and I wanna share common thing with him. Like a dumb haircut.

I agree with the first comment. I think you’re struggling with yourself and your identity. I also think a really good talk with your wife is needed, you can’t be afraid to express how you truly feel about things because of a reaction from somebody else, even if it is somebody you love. Im sure if you explain to her how this is really playing on your mind, she will be willing to listen.

Oh wow, I’m sorry. That definitely puts you in a difficult position.😞 For what it’s worth, you sound like a good parent. You’ve taken on a hands-on role in your son’s life, you are present and that is something all children need. 💯

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